#2 How Many Time Will I Have to Die?

Apparently there isn't much difference staying here or staying in KL. I have had a lot of illusions of things that might happen or rather, things that I wish would happen this year. Turns out, I was wrong. I guess I wished too much and expected too much out of optimism.

I'm torn. I can't decide where to go, where to stay and where to get a life. I need to stop living for someone. Because then everytime that person leaves, I die again and again. And this routine keeps happening every year.

Everytime I get crushed, I tell myself I will never open up so easily again. I need a shield. But some things are too much to lose. I don't want to lose that chance, and I do it again and again and I end up dying ALL the time.

Is there anything worth staying for here? Is there anything worth going back for?

I'm lost.

#1 let 2012 begin!

It's a new year.

I'd love to get a new start in life.

I wouldn't say I can't, but maybe I just love the past too much to let it go. I want to be someone who doesn't need anyone else to live. That's 2012 resolution, and I wish by the end of the 365 days, I can stand on my feet without living for someone.

Human, feelings, thoughts, judgements, how crazy can they get?

Have you ever want to start a new life but never want to let go of the past as much as you actually want to? I always wonder how people can.

How can people be satisfied having to 'love and lost'? I'm the type of person who believes in 'to never have loved'. But I also believe that it's not too late to change.

Let's just hope the new year would bring not only new start, but a GOOD new start.