How Do You Know What Is Real Anymore?

So how do we know what is real, and what's not?
Because at any given moment, what's real can just become unreal.

My realities have been shifting, initially from one end of a spectrum to the other, then from one corner of a triangle, flipping from side to side to side, and then to another shape with more angles. It has just been rolling. It's like the weekend is a form of a reset button. You know, just like in the movie Edge of Tomorrow, where Tom Cruise hits reset when he dies? Yeah, that.

It really does seem like a good idea when I was watching the film though. In reality, it confuses the balls right out of your mind.

So you go through a weekend, tested a theory out and feel like, 'hey you know this could work,' and then you go through the week and things worked out, and you think to yourself, 'okay then so red is my new colour.' Then you go through the next weekend thinking red is your colour. But then you discovered that red gives you a fucking heart attack, and so you discovered blue. You think hey blue is fine, it's a peaceful colour. You go through the week doing blue and thought 'okay, this works.' Then you go through another weekend and then you realised, 'fuck, blue makes me sea sick.' And the whole thing repeats itself again, and again and again. By the end of the month, you almost have the entire rainbow on your palette, and you think you've finally found the perfect colour because that last one lasted for almost three weeks. You've lived with it, you loved how it makes you feel and you're perfectly happy.

Then, fucking hell, it happens again.

It then makes you wonder if what you feel is real or not?
Do you still love her or you don't?
Are you pretending because it hurts less?
Or are you really genuinely happy?

These things make you question your perception.
And that is driving me fucking insane.

Because I still love her, and being happy isn't a pretense.
But when it's blatantly put out there, it changes everything.