Zee Avi Fever.

I feel like a psychological mess.
Just every time something exciting happened in my life, and this hits on meeting special people especially, I'd get entirely emotional after that.

I have a cue on missing those events/people whom I've met. Not like they're really close to me, or even know me at all. But something, somewhere in my heart just miss the fun, and all the over-excitement :)

God.
I would get all extremely madly sunken in even if I youtube the videos that night. How depressing can this get? Features is good for giving me this kind of exposure, meeting great people; but if it's this case everytime, I'm gonna have a hard time.. Hmm.


Dear Zee Avi,
I love your show. Can we play time all over again pleasee?
Ahh, I'd rather not, then I'll emo all over again. Not good..

"So I guess that's the end of our story, akhir kata, she accepted his apology"

we'll make our own honey :)

Something's exuded into today.
Either it's luck who's bringing me all these, or fate, who settled them within this 24 hours. I don't know. Oh well, I'm here to share my current joy :)

Flashbacks are the greatest things ever.
The reason beyond the joy was for Shu Han going with me tomorrow to The Gardens for Meet & Greet after a supposed, inevitable FFK. It's okay, the reason remains unchanged. Zee Avi :)

Then there was the SMS; struck with a heart attack and stroke.
Heart beating faster than the usual, still pretty usual. But beating like it's popping out of its shield, is NOT usual. And then the stroke, oh, the tattooed smile :)

Oh the other joy!
I finished Add Math on time. Hmm, not so much of a big deal huh. Whatever the score is going to mark, I'm happy I did what I could. And, hopefully, it isn't straying as far as my mind did.


The reason I lived today was because it was worth living.
So suits my day :D

"I am a honey bee, shunned out from the colony and they wont let me in"

Superstar Series #14

I miss you, and I officially know that I can't elude that fact anymore than I tried to.
It's a dream..

Yeah, I dreamt about you again. Oh why. Gives me that feeling..

Hmm.
As much as I was a very very minute part of your competition last year, not that I'm claiming any credits, but I like playing that part. It's like I'm helping you worry.

But now, how I wish I could still be there like I did.. Even if I wasn't much of a help. It's just a kind of joy to be there for you. Remember you said how you wish i was there by your side to help you?

I guess you have many more people by your side to help you right now :)


I'm out of words now. Probably because I'm still pretty affected by that dream of mine.
Whatever.

You're not worth my time.

To get you out of my life completely would make me seem ruthless. I'm not, because I still love you. Even if I feel like I'm crazily being used.

It's alright now.
It's not worth getting all upset over someone who isn't even half as upset as you are.

"Never make someone your priority when you're only the option". So why should I make you my priority. Yes, it hurts reading this huh, after all those "I'm always there for you"s that I'd written and said all these while.

I'll still be there though, just that, I'll let things go for a bit.
I should start living a life for myself, and not anybody else :)

Happy Holidays everyone :D
I feel like I'm slacking, and the guilt consumes me alive.

Is it me, or is it you?

As your TM photographs fills your Facebook page; You're taking steps away from ASN.
And because I forever am a part of ASN, I feel each part of me being forcefully pulled further from you.

As much as you wish to get ASN out of your life already, I'm included in it.
Does that mean,
This will only come to one conclusion?

It will end, won't it?


Photographs are for memories. And memories are all history.
So does that mean I shouldn't take any photographs with you to get this going?

"I fake reasons to live on"

and if I have just a bit more courage, I would have tagged this under superstar.

I MIGHT die tomorrow, but so what?

"If I were to die tomorrow, I'll die with regrets" Enamel.

People always quote to live life to the fullest, because it might be your last day today. No one knows what's going to happen.

But if I were to live life like it's my last, and if I don't die tomorrow, things will turn out worse than not living my last day to the most.

If today's my last day.
I'd forget about what books really are all about. Screw and nail those Biology and Add Math paper next week.

If today's my last day.
I'd tell him that I actually liked him a lot, and my wrong perceptions about love at the first sight.

If today's my last day.
I'd tell her that I love her a lot too, not that she doesn't know. But i don't know. It seems to me like, she knows but she doesn't. She loves me too, but she does not. Compliques.


The rest will be left as it currently is. People know that I love them, it's enough. Over emphasis of love make life harder on the scale :) I perceived that.


On the second thought, living today as it is makes me happier than living today like my last.
Cheers!

in another month.

"They told me you shouldn't force me to like things that I choose not to, but the thing is, I chose to like you. Enamel."

"I thought I saw love and care in the shine of your eyes, but in the end, it was just the reflection of mine."

Dear Enamel,
In case you see a sadist writing this post, I don't carved on myself. So fine, I'm no emo, I'm no sadist.

3 months ago, we were still pretty tight. You being the usual energy boost, having all the faith in me in that very special month, when you thought the most of me. I loved it. I love the graduated teddy, I love every little thing you did, including thanking me for every little thing I did.

2 months ago, you left in such a hurry that I couldn't squeeze a tear out for you. I was not ready to accept the hurting fact. I'm a coward, I don't face reality, I hide. It was hard for me, feeling the air around me without an energetic boost, the sufficing oxygen content seem like it's not enough. It was hard for you, not because I wasn't there, it's because of the environment. You told me there won't be another SM, I believed you, and I got so stoked.

A month ago, I came over to say hi. You were caught in such a surprise, while I stood amusingly watching you radiate that bit of childishness in you. It makes me smile. We hung out for hours, not wanting to leave but had to for time didn't permit. You told me you wanted to adopt me as your kid and asked me if that tells me anything. Well, it tells me everything that I need and want to know.

But now,
I'm afraid I would lose you.
I'm afraid that it isn't the usual sensitivity in my mind that's causing all these faded delusions. I have a feeling it's real.

I wonder if there'll ever be a day when you and I would stop the SMS-es.
I wonder if there'll ever be a day when you and I even lose contact in Facebook.
I wonder if there'll ever be a day when you would stop reading my Superstar posts.

And, I wonder if there'll ever be a day when you and I would stumble across one another's profile and wonder who it is..

If you'd ever read this, forget it.
I'm speechless.

As much love as always,
Me.

Exam SLASH-ed.

So much for falling back to the lazy blogger I was, exam has been lurking around some corner. And before I could even blink again, it's in less than 10 days. How frustrating..

I tend to like to use the word frustrating these days without caring the proper meaning it bears. Naah, people don't learn English from my blog, so I guess it's fine. Besides, SPM don't take blogging into consideration..

Anyway, I'm declaring a break here. How I wish I could add a "free" after the break.

Hi :D Welcome to Nerd's-Ville.
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"Every move you make, everything you say is right.."