reflect

I hate to consent to this but I seem to have profound thoughts, relating to nothing but merely the voyage of life, on a daily basis. But then again, it should be something that I’m pleased of.

really, I’ve engaged myself to reflections for the past few hours, summarizing sole conclusions on my thoughts. The past had yet to last, a little time for reflection, reminding myself repeatedly of simply how blessed life has been.

What I’d seen had transformed into memories, which through time, changed from the present to the past tense. Yet hitherto, certain details of life would somehow relate to that matter.

I had broadened my sight, unbolted no-entry accesses in mind and released every grief held back.

Gladly declaring, I’d survived!

An S O S ?

i need help. from u, from her, from the rest of the world.

it shouldnt be anything more then ABC to just anyone and everyone to begin a conversation casually, ignoring to whom it may concern. i agree, unreservedly.

so how shall i begin that particular conversation? hello? or just hi? or maybe heyy?
i'm clueless.

it seems like there's a whole lot more following the sheer hello.

R A T E D

it's over. it's all over. yes, it's all over, by last night. i miss u. i really do. i realised the fact that i'm repeating myself. but it's just impossible. i cant accept the plain truth that it's all over.

last night. it was the highest peak, also, the lowest pitch. it was indescribable. the things we all did. the dim darkness all around us. every movement, every syllable spoken. forever in my memories.

it was such a short period. it wasnt enough. i hunger for more. missing ever moment of it, numerous absurd thoughts filled my mind, hoping time would turn back itself.

i know it's never possible to rewind time, the awesome night we had, it's not going to happen again. but i know it's coming back some day. someday, you'll be back for more.

i shall wait for you.. till the end of time. (:


anyway, fellow readers, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i dont want the whole world to know what i did last night :D

but ya wanna know?
do you?
do you really?

well, um,
i was...
just..





EARTH HOUR-ING!

i seem to always begin my blog posts with phrases which imply, i'm speechless. but this time, i guess i didnt, neither did i want to.

today was nothing less than great, thinking how relieve i am now that i've presented my oral speech.

Speaking of that, i wasnt at all aware that i was being called then. and i really meant i wasnt aware. i didnt even realise the fact that the teacher called me SWEAT Mae, which i always do! anyway, she corrected herself, realizing the blunder mistake that she'd made. I thank u for being aware (:

ps: i really take the pronunciation of my name seriously, though i'm pretty used to the fact that it's always pronounced wrongly by those who do not know me well.

***

so my post below says, "I cant wait for assunta's friday go".

today IS friday. and we'd obviously had our go. it was horrible at the beginning, not to mention i sped up 3 floors before that, perspiring as much as ever! soon calmed myself, fanned vigorously and open the window with a somewhat large force. moments later, it didnt feel as bad as that before, with the help of the circulating air and especially the opened window.

my vissions had definitely pleased me, my mission, in fact, had failed terribly. haha.

S.I.X.T.Y

a warm hello to the world. and an extra huge shout-out to all :

VOTE.EARTH.HOUR.


ps: cant wait for assunta's very own friday go.

feeling strange

it isnt right to feel this way again. letting go had been moving on quite smoothly for the past few days. yet, wonders never last long enough for my enjoyment.

the excitement and panicked moments of school has drown out most of my energy perhaps. i feel hopeless. similarly, i felt as though hope is a million miles away. never to come.

trying hard in working towards S O L O. but clearly, it isnt as simple as i thought it'd be. it takes a lot more than that.

the plain fact that i feel hopeless shows it all.

the components of SM

English Illiterate + BM Mute + Banana Based Chinese
=
S M ( yeah! me)

again, ladies and gentlemen. i am speechless. all that could come out of my mind, is perhaps the equation above.

let me explain briefly,

english illiterate, yes, u've read it right! as a matter of fact, i am one. at least i think i am. i can basically speak what i call fluent english but when it comes to written test, think twice. i just flunked english.

bm mute. at times i think my written bm is better than my english, though i cant really speak bm.

im sure most of u bloggers would know what i meant by banana based chinese.

s.o. y.e.a.h.

unsighted

alright. im wordless. so why am i taking the trouble of blogging? Merely because i felt like i need to breathe.

coming to consideration, i havent stop today. i'd been on the computer right after brushing my teeth this morning. Then, there was my visit to the saloon, followed by a lost wander in SP and here i am again, back at home, with the computer again.

after working on that previous tag, i find myself almost blinded by the amount of bright colours in it.

as a matter of fact, my intensely high power of astigmatism has increased once again. and as a result of that, no more soft lens for me. which indirectly meant three quarters of my contact lenses to waste.

oh well, who's to blame for my utter blindness?

so im apparently stuck to semi-hard lens. those plastic, diaphragm-like lens to be fitted in. according to mum, they drop out just by a sneeze or even a hard blink!

so SM has got to be careful, which totally contradict from who she is now.

Oh-my-god!

laaaaaate SM laaaaate :p

it's 11.12 PM and im still awake, online!
hahaha.
it's a SUCCESS!
woooooohooooooooooo!

ps: im waiting for u, when u're never appearing! :/

10 minutes part II

a continuation to my story last night. i did manage to survive through that 10 dire minutes. just as the clock struck 10.30, i sent my already drafted text, hoping for some quick news in reply.

i waited, and waited, and waited, yet, no reply. again, i panicked. didnt want to make a second attempt on that, afraid that i might be interrupting something. all i could do was to wait.

for what seemed like hours later, my phone bleeped. and i read the text.. *something*, which indicated the fact that we cant kit then.

like omg. i've been waiting the whole day for that moment, and u actually stop them from doing so? geez..

10 minutes

i couldnt help but to feel this way. i wish that i dont, but it's not within anyone's control. i feel this little undescribable feeling moving about in the core of my heart. but again, i do not know what on earth it is. it's just painful, excruciating.

i know why im feeling this way, im missing someone. missing someone real bad. yeah, that must be it. (:

walking about in MV is, well, supposed to be an enjoyable thing. but walking around, having imaginary thoughts, that almost every soul i passed looked like u, when im certain that u're somewhere, it's horrifying.

it's 10 minutes more to 10.30. which is when i would be able to hear about u.

these 10 minutes would be the slowest 10 minutes that would ever fly by in my life. i'll wait, for the sake of u. (:

my wednesday

the day started with much anxiety, just as i opened my eyes. at least, i opened one eye. the other one, felt as though it was opened, but apparently, just a slight gap, barely allowing light to enter my eye. yes, it's red, and horrible swollen. being the usual me, i started panicking.. jumped out of bed, rushed to the loo and started staring at the mirror, trying to convince myself it isnt that bad. thank god, after cleansing it with Optrex, it was much better with the help of Eye-Mo as well. phew!(:

so here i am, without being aware of what harm my Acer would do to my swollen eye, resuming on my daily online job.

the daily routine, im high on fly again. :D yesssh.. *u spin my head right round, right round* that's what's on air right now. :p take my advice, go listen to fly (: no offends to anyone, my preference; the 10 to 1 session, rocks harder than the 1 to 4. hehe. :D

anyhow, there's been this little thought in my mind for the past two days. another inspiration to write. :D i plan to think some more. but somehow or other, there's stacks of history papers left for me to complete. i guess this has got to wait then..

lucky draw

Rationalism
vs.
Heart

what would u pick?

at times of life, these contradicted feelings would appear, messing up lives. so what happens? what to pick? HEEEELP ME!

you know the right thing is to pick rationalism and satisfy the rest of the world with ur choice. yes, the WORLD except for yourself.

but just for ur self pleasure, u pick going with the heart. when the rest of the word disagree with it.

i'm just any typical human, going through life's daily motion. I CANT SATISFY EVERYONE. yet, i can choose only ONE.

screw rationalism

yeah read that above?
screw it man!
it keeps telling me that i'm on the wrong track.
but i just cant help it.
cant u see that im trying hard to get out of it?

blogspot

half the world mistaken me for what i am. but i must say it's also true what they think i am cause i memang partly am what they think i am. but most of it.. no one knows. okay fine. not to say, no one at all. there're a few laa. but that very few?

they'd soon get bored of my rantings bout the part of me that they know. and so, they wouldnt pay much attention or even give much reaction to them. so what's the point. these people got bored of it again. and so? i have to find new people to replace?

and that's when BLOGSPOT comes into my life. thaaank u blogspot! i really love u alot la. :D

ICC

i think im suppose to blog about ICC, right? i think everyone who went for it would blog about it. im not saying that's it's not good but like i mentioned earlier, i dont like blogging bout daily stuff. but oh well, ICC was awesome la. one thing, i damn malas wanna upload pictures all. so, just go to my fb (:

oh, by the way.. i heart caprice :D

u again

days passes, and thing revolves in a different style everyday. yet, no matter how much things change, every little detail reminds me of someone. sigh. it's got such a huge impact in my life. just everything that happen would relate to it. geez..

she's a psychic

this is incredible. this is unbelievable. she just BAM! and put everything into pieces. i didnt even hint much. omg. that budak is one smart kiddo! haha. and the best part is. she even got the random one right! and that was the first guess i'd heard so far. it's like she's seeing more than we all do. haha. woooo! go u. u know who u are. haha

forgotten post

i cant believe i'd actually forgotten to post this. haha. anyway. here are a few pictures from the other day. when we celebrated win's birthday (:

stand left: sue lynn, shern lyn, sherwin, shu han
sit left: dhiviah, elisa, me!

left: dhiviah, me and elisa!

left: manisha (sitting), shu han, eve, sue lynn, dhiviah, me and shern lyn's back!

daily need

i find blogging on the occurrences of a certain day isnt really me. come to think of it actually, i think i hardly blog about what happens in my life. as in not literally. i dont go about exciting things or funny scenarios in daily life. that's rather odd. but oh well, i dont know.

the need to blog just increases each day. that's all i need to do. stare at my laptop screen and start typing a whole bunch of words into the white space of a new post. nothing else could feel as good as blogging. it's like you're telling the world how you feel, and yet, you dont have to actually do it literally and no one would know what u're talking about. but it's awesome! cause no one knows but it's out! :D

shock after shock

i just felt like blogging continuosly, non stop at lightning speed, just typing out whatever it is that i feel like typing. seriously, there isn't a better place to express other than my VERY OWN blog! phew. i cant imagine life without having blogspot. I LOVE U BLOGSPOT!

frankly, 1001 things are happening today. as mentioned in the previous post about someone getting me weaker by the second, and now, a phone call bringing random news? dont call me to tell me things that would leave me hanging la. ask u further u dont know. cant it wait till tomorrow? omg.

hanging in the air

time flies, and along the way, things change - so do people. but why isnt this fact changing? it's already the third month of the year, loads had actually happen, making me weaker as days pass by. I still remembered that couple of days in the beginning of the year when i posted that it's all over. and i'd begun to think out of the box. apparently, that's still not it yet.

if only this fact could transform magically into something better. life would be much smoother to sail through.

The year started with me, being the tough SM, fully recovered from the emo-actic thoughts, walking through my days as though nothing had happened at all. But can SM stay on that way forever? I asked myself, after surviving a few weeks in that state. I folish enough to think I could.

Everything went on fine. and come on! I'm just living my life here, doing no harm at all. But must things really happen to excite me to greatest of life and it just stops there. stuck alone. stranded. has things got to be that way?

i left hanging in mid air, awaiting for your rescue. would u come at all?

long story

okay. if any one of you readers actually realized the disappearance of my blog for the past couple of days. it's because of some really screwed up thing laa. if u really wanna know what it is. IM me, i'll tell u. anyway, anyhow. if u're actually lucky and smart enough to get into here. CONGRATS! but DONT LINK ME. leave my link as the old one. it's my poem blog as u can see. so yeah. thaaaanks!

inspired?

omgaush! im inspired by the last person i'd ever thought possible on earth! OMG. someone sorta fakes originality. odd eh? whatever laa. the phrase rocks no matter what. she sorta rocks too laa. but the phrase rocks more! hehe :D thaaaaank uu!

apologies.

im awfully sorrey about about the fact that my blog has been dead for such a long time. time constrain, stress again and again. and not to mention misery has found it's way back to me. sweat. it's been a while since this emotional conflict has occur. and it's obviously, happening again. only, it's worse now. sigh.

im officially declaring THE DEADNESS OF BLOG for at least a couple of days. :D

the way u make my world go round (: