The case seem too elaborated. I have assured myself untold times that I'm relentlessly NOT in a drama series. Perhaps I'd matured, and aged numerically, life seems just so different. Tears can't illustrate the precise words in my heart, and the uneasy sentiment over it has since been thrown off the edge.
I incessantly searched the core of my mind for an answer, to a stone-age question. Why did I wish to grow up so badly when I was a kid?
And now, I don't even know..
Perhaps it's only me being ingested alive by the contrition of the situation we're in. I'm pretty sure you're still inhaling every breathe like fragrant. I'm not, because my sensory cells fail when I'm around you, I can't even distinguish oxygen.
You've characterize your role like this all this while, and very transparently, I was the one who moved along your way. I didnt care being criticized down to a cent or less, I didnt mind taking all the sarcasm and hints that you think I'm way below you. I cared for all that we'd been through, I gained a higher EQ, just for your sake.
Perhaps our bond grew, and my mind did too as we sailed on, but I feel like I can't take it anymore. Releasing the anger deep beyond that smile of mine would just evoke such a blaze in your heart that I wish I'm the one who's going through the excruciation here.
I don't want to hurt anyone. But sketching a self image this way would make me a self-sadist. And I just feel like rupturing any moment.
Being the half-hearted self I am now, I can't even look into you in your eyes when I speak to you. Every word from you seem to annoy me, because I can't take it anymore. And I don't want to be the mean one in your perception, so I hide. I lam out of all those meeting junctions, and I'd rather not talk to you..
I'm afraid of this, really..
I feel the guilt because I'm hiding away from you. I feel the guilt because I'm not entirely truthful when I'm with you. I want to hate you. I can, I feel so too, at some points. But I can't do it. I just CAN'T.
Can you please, PLEASE, understand my situation?
Do you even know who you are? If you do, just forget about double-checking, I wouldn't know how to do this anyway.
But yeah, I miss the old times..
"take me back when our world was one block wide"
