When I have an emotional downfall:
When I was 14, I used to go online and read every emo quote, blog post, look for pictures, listen to emo songs on the Internet because it felt like I was not alone. There are people who understood how I felt. But little did I realize, doing those does not help, but in fact, made the whole self-hurting scenario worse.
When I was 15, I used to blog a hell lot. I liked using big words and I loved blogging so cryptically that when I read back those post, I don't even know what I felt back then. It was a way of expressing myself without the world knowing what exactly I was feeling. It worked, but then it turned out into a whole lot of dramatizing unintentionally.
When I was 16, blogging no longer exist in my dictionary. Or at least hardly ever. I was too busy chasing priorities to even think of a way to hide my true feelings between syllables in my blog posts. But it was also then that I found out I no longer need to blog because I have a great friend by my side to listen to my troubles.
When I turned 17, I no longer hurt myself by looking up emotional stuffs on the Internet; I no longer blog and dramatize the whole thing; I no longer tell every single detail of my life to the people I know, I learnt what privacy meant. I took a smarter way out, I do things to distract myself from self-hurting thoughts. I thought it was perfect...
...until I realized that it actually falls back down on me right at the end of the day before I get to bed.
I don't know if the situation changed or if I've changed.
But what difference does it make? I still make the same mistake every time.
