I feel my heart breaking open, to allow an awful rush of tears, deep down in that cut that was once scarred through my heart - as I read bits and random scraps of our text messages and my completely selfish perceptions about us in my very, very old blog posts. I wish real tears could run down my cheeks, it'd save more of the pain.
To think that I was even feeling uneasy with your daily absence around me, now it's like a perpetual prick in my ears saying that it's an absence in life.
I don't miss seeing you around, because I got used to hollowness of the empty hallways; I don't miss your text messages anymore, because I got used to seeing your name drop lower and lower in my inbox each day; I don't miss hearing you call my name anymore, because I'm not even surprised that you can't remember what I'm called.
But did you know, I have an extraordinary memory for what I shouldn't remember. And yeah, that includes every moment I spent with you.
I really wish I could transform into that naive, i-don't-really-care-about-what's-going-on-in-life girl. I wish, like you said, I have never met you.
Because you were right,
It wouldn't have been this hard for me if I never knew you.
