holidays: whacked but distress

i couldnt retain the usual blogging mood, which i once possess. words arent coming out the way it's suppose to. my fingers aren't as swift as it would always be, punching each key on the keyboard without much flaws. but today, thing's seem quaint.

oh gosh! the word quaint reminds me of "peculiar", which i believe, carries a similar meaning? i guess. im not much of a word-pro. but anyhow, my point is nothing close to where this is all leading to.

a clearer conclusion for that, peculiar is too big of a word to be used in math classes (:

***

i think i'm too strange to be termed as an ordinary kid. i trust my senses more than logicality most of the time, and my senses had led me to that conclusion. though solution is still somewhat distant to pursue.

perhaps it's a custom habit of thinking, getting seriously absorbed into my abstruse thoughts most of the time. perhaps it's more like a necessity to someone like me - some quaint dolt who thinks thinking is inspiring.

ahh.. the agonizing ache all over, for two days already since last friday. the torturous pain, result of my own careless lifestyle of fitful workout and being sedentary. the route which i hang life on isnt much of an archetypal one.

i need to get rid of the indolent way things go. i came up with that long ago, but the effort chipped in to achieve that, is only... 10% perhaps?

how much can an all-life-city-kid get along with staying healthy? rate that (:

so.. it's already the second day of the long-awaited-for holidays and the fear of losing the typical freedom when holidays end has been smudged entirely. i dont care - even if the holidays are coming to an end, what more.. it's only the beginning!

i shall shove lots of food into my tummy tomorrow. shogun!

ahh.. i hate this break-y manner my post are composed. the ideas seem to jump over a sharp edge to the next landing, repeatedly. the frequency of these intervals annoys me. especially when i'm over-manipulating my "anyway"-s.

my post long enough to make up for the absence of yesterday? i hope so. even if it's not, i shall not go on. or they wont sound convincing enough to make the naturalism of spirit.

see you soon (:
tonight perhaps?

holidays: commenced with complaints

it has been a whole week now that i'd been rambling in the grounds of Assunta with a mind brimful of emptiness and indecisive mood swings. ahh.. the sense of contriteness diverged all throughout my miserable mind, for the simple fact of being whacked in class and having my firm point of not giving my slightest concern about the regular lessons.

teachers need a break too.. i understand. take a kit-kat! :)

it's the end now.. the end of the first term. shall it be a positive or negative situation? i dont know.

all i demand now is for a certain miracle to take control on the works of time. i need time to stretch on during the holidays, then again.. i want to go back to school for a certain simple reason. though i need to complete my procrastinated stack of homework =/

when school resumes, i need to speed up time to quicken the pain of overall results.

upon mentioning that now, a certain disturbed thought of mine has taken a u-turn back to my brains. ahh..

i wish to move on. but i cant seem to. everything is stuck right here, right now. in this horrible state, where cows fly and giraffes swim.. sighh. riight.. perhaps my figuratives had gone over the limit for giving way to cows and giraffes. sorrey..

i want to sleep. not because im exhausted or because my eyes are being rebellious. it's because i couldnt find a better getaway for my knotted cases. it's stupid. im sleeping to stop thinking. how pathetic can i get?

let me know if im complaining too much.. there's no where else where i could actually go on and on releasing all these supposedly esoteric thoughts.. but now, for the world to read (:

i *heart* blogspot..

senseless days

the final piece of exam paper came back with much gratification more than satisfaction. fine.. perhaps i'd got to master a certain way of swallowing horrible truths, especially when it's the result of my very own indolent acts while preparing for exams.

so that summarized the mid term exam with SM falling off the edge of the cliff of.. um, brain-power-ness? i bet that is it..

no precise energized, fun-boosting, super wild, ss-causing activities these days. the point of getting up at 6 in the morning, or rather going to school seems to get further and more vague by the moment. ahh.. attendance isnt even taken!

so the days passed with much ss-ing and quaint actions of whatever sort which we think is actually.. entertaining? at least, amusing enough to murder the guilt of time wasting ;)

so lameness had been doing its job well, getting us all wild and crazed over inane jokes. in fact, they're not even meant to be jokes! but oh well.. at least they produce laughter =D

i keep wondering if the award received would be a trophy like how we used to receive those cheesy medals or would it be some totally awesome trophy with a certain style of elegance (since it's a huge event) or perhaps.. just a certificate? i want to seeee!

i'm still doubting this..
my style of writing?
gaaaah.. vain.

a wednesday of bliss =)

my eyelids are having a mind of its own right now. it's 10.40, and again, my specific way of judging lateness at night. though that, there's heaps to spill.

today was pretty much of an awesome day. despite the fact that almost everyone is PO at everyone else, which is rather complicating to narrate the entire story here to the rest of the world, not to mention that i think it's rather inappropriate as well. so it shall remain as the above statement =)

not so much of updates to be leaked out to you readers regarding my personal issues, for instance, my syok sendiri-ing moments of a certain state of bliss, somewhen, sometime, when something happens.. *winks*

anyway.. the rash on my neck, which has been lasting since.. perhaps a month ago? gaaah, i dont keep track on all this pointless nonsense of life. but im stressing my point here just to let the rest of the world know that it is NOT a love-bite, for goodness sake.

if the fact refuses to enter your mind, or your mind refuses to accept the fact.. live your life. it doesnt make much of a difference in mine =)

oh yes! someone is certainly feeling much better today. at least, speaking with the typical hyperness. yet, i had to bump into her when she's having that sickening headache! that suffer-ish look twisted my emotions again. ahhh..

do i actually possess a style of writing. as in, can u recognise the style if it's anonymously signed? it seems that someone actually managed to guess who it was.. hmmm

oh gosh! my eyes are failing me.. my brains are shutting down. geez.
so tata eh?!

freaked out

no ample satisfaction.
no lopsided treatment.
everything is just as fair.

i am sensible enough to believe in logicality, but im also egocentric enough to wish for every miracle.

my incautious mistake on the essay of the recent english paper two has just cost me my first C in life. that is, thank god, only for that certain section of the paper. generally, the grade was thankfully a passing A.

the emo SM would usually emerge on such a condition, but this is an undoubted exception. the score might not have reach any close to my level of concern but it has exceeded my height of expectations. i was waiting for a C, and had been harping on that matter.

to that, someone has surely spare me my early death. i always trust the profesionalism and rationalism she possesed, no form of bias or partiality in any way. (which was why i was pretty freaked out before this)

speaking of her.. so much for relieve, im freaked out entirely.

the eyes had something narrating the torture endured, the pale figure had polish the state of anxiety in me. oh dear.. the typical action of speaking and walking seemed like a heavy task to her, not to mention the excruciation she's going through due to intense headache.

the chronicles of a workaholic eh?

ahh.. im so worried all over again. there was this sudden twisted feeling that i'm experiencing right this instant, and especially when i saw how she was suffering from that spinning headache.

ugh.. she's like my mummy now (:

hoping for the best.

the beginning

new skin,
new layout,
new outlook,
new mood,
new point of view,
new journey of life..

like the new layout? (:

never felt as good

oh my gaush!

the typical articulation expressed as a cast of relieve, or more often heard as a gasp of shock. in today's event, it brings total absolute relieve!

those scraps of view of discomfort has bleached the mood off me; abandoning the rest of the crowd with the mood of being excessively hyper and perhaps a little off the limit, which i would usually pour my lame-ness out, adding additional laughter to those semi sane; but then, i was drowned in the depths of my thoughts.

now.. it's a whole new interpretation. the wheezing line of beeping statistics is still ringing right there, in my brains. but still, the sooth vibration of my mobile on the cushion-like rest is chilling enough to stabilize my thoughts.

the final answer: she's recovering!

i shall replace those in my cryptic form of composition..

those days endured through, packed with those egg-boiling temperature and intensiveness of spinning headache shall be final now. though the viral infection could not be recognized, the fever is nothing out-beating extreme.

there..

o.m.g

that pouting emoticon clearly portray the look in those thoughts in mind.. im WORRIED SICK.

i thought tomorrow will be the end of everything. the sickening disease of whatever sort of infection that is. but NO! it still would detach from her weak soul. now, she's apparently lacking white blood cell and haemoglobin.

any one of you who would have just paid the slightest attention in science classes or maybe even some common sense of living would know very well that white blood cells clash those noxiously pernicious bacteria of whatever sort off someone's body. but the case is.. low in white blood cell? *cries*

i truly hope for the best on friday. it's not like a custom episode of everyday to dig out a reason for it. the chance is here, with the approval of everyone else, but those wicked bacterias.

god bless..


<edits>

now that i know the fact that low haemoglobin count is one of the dengue symptoms, im so uberly worried. not to mention the fact that im being ignored.. =/

im not banana

the regularity of rehearsals, we stoned. and nearly crack, shattering into pieces of fine grains of god knows what. despite having jing being all lame over the music in the air, her kiddish act on her handkerchief and being all poke-able throughout the rehearsals, i wouldnt be able to endure the bore of it.

people think i'm pretty much of a banana, more than i'd actually thought i am all along. oh gosh.. this is one moment of embarassment. your regular malaysian chinese, not so typically found. at least, not one who thinks she pass in her cina apek accent, but failed greatly.

i'd been speaking that way all my life and just in that random moment, i'd been told it wasnt original. and i thought im cina apek enough to pass for a typical chinese. things are plainly telling me to work harder in.. um, being a chinese?

***

oh yes! i'm sure it is obvious enough to be understood clearly that i'd been really thinking crytically these days due to a certain simple condition of disappointments to come.

i know exams had been scaring every part of me horribly, but the results are.. scarier? perhaps..

papers were returned and i'd ascertain some freaky fact.

the papers which i'd received, in consecutive order, shows a constant gradual improvement of a mark. (eg. -7, -8, -9, -0) it's creepy..

strange

a touch of concern

since nothing significantly amusing happened throughout the day, i shall dedicate this post to someone who might need a certain sort of spiritual motivation now that she's down with suspected dengue.

ahh.. we shall all wish for the best of things for her.

i wasnt as worried as i am now, if taken in comparisons as to when i first read the news. i was actually okay about the first sight of it, though i was doubting if i was sane while reading. but oh-well, it's clearly proven right.

her absence for the next two days might cause a terrible drownage of mood, fall on the floor, deep into that abyss.

though one thing sure did enlighten life a little, the delay of english papers (:

i dont want my english papers, but i dont want the dengue more. so i'd rather she come back to throw those screwed up papers of mine right on my face so that i'd face the actual truth.

so yesh..

i wish the hyper you would be back by monday (:
get well soon

new SM - part II

click to enlarge

im so terribly sick of the changes in me through life. is it me of is it just the regularity of everyone else's life?

i dont know what am i to transform into the next stage of it. i term it the new me but how new can this fact be? how far is it can i travel from emo-ing?

the profound SM lasts forever..

new SM?

today marks the last day of exams, the revelry of the end of a torturous process but the commencement of a novelty in my pathetic, profound manner of sketching the motion of life.

my pride still stood today, on a really wobbly, lopsided ground where it could barely stand still. it's slipping off the edge, falling way down low, deep into the chasm of pitiable issues. vague streaks of hope tells me i'm thinking too much based on one screwed up matter. but the rest of the dimness encircling me tells me i'm doomed.

i havent felt so bothered ever before, not even when i was passing by that certain motion of emo last year. i only felt hopeless then, now, i'm certain that it isnt similar to that at all. i'd ascertain the fact that i'm hiding from the excruciating truth, drowning myself with the insanity of laughters and never ending tasks to keep myself from thinking too much.

it isnt normal, this portion of life, i'm going through right this instant.

i'm just exceedingly worried over things, just because one particular matter is summing up to an unexpected inference.

that's one matter.. the next, another condition disturbing me, but not my mind now.. it's my sight.

i had quoted this particular sight pollution as "a certain piece of obstructive, invincible, permanent brick wall, aired with annoyance and disgust. yes, a certain structure which i believe, respires?! perhaps.." in my previous blog post.

and i trust my senses to be precisely right about this pollution of sight.

ahh.. why bother wasting my energy and time on blogging about a dead piece of disgusting looking structure which, i judge, is too pathetic to be seen on my blog. but i'll leave it there, you readers can enjoy my rage on it.

but overall, one side of my mind has been clogged up. by some really unescessary condition.

stop thinking, SM

100th post ; laughingstock ; dejection

after all those motions of editing and deleting post that are either too out of style or too emo to be the current SM, it's finally the 100th post of my old, ancient blog. yay!

i shall ponder over the title of this blog post as i type on. too many things to narrate to you readers, and too many contradicted significance in them. how eh? perhaps it could be the typical rojak (:

anyway, let's proceed on the more interesting side of life..

yesterday was teachers' day. i've just wasted 5 seconds of life typing that out, im sure most of you would know that, but for the sake of an intro, there you have it. and yes, the same habitual course each year: the act of santa-claus-ing, the fun of britney-spear-ing, etc.

and then, the fun ends, leaving us excessively self absorbed people there, stranded in our pool syok-ness. fine. people parted and went home, leaving me in the canteen, bonding with people whom i usually dont, as i wait on.. see the desperation there?

the rest were just blablabla's which would bore you if i'd went into details. but if u demand for a summary of it, i have a back-up for you. but the answer should be pretty simple eh? what else can happen when 2 exceedingly syok-sendiri and jazz souls meet? the laughter can never end (:

now that the smiley news has been told. i shall move on..

tomorrow would make the last day my pride stood still. yes. the end of exams, the end of my number one title. i want it, i'll miss it, but i'll never get it.

i've been really disturbed today, yet i havent the slightest idea why. im guessing that it's because ive been reflecting over my english paper.. perhaps not? im trying, at least i am, to let go of that matter but i cant. i did, but i couldnt anymore..

what choices do i have? none. the plain truth is to accept the fact that i screwed my english real bad.. and yes, it's english by the way, if you've been wondering how bloody stupid can SM be to screw english, u've got it right. she isnt as flawless..

so yes, whatever. there's english tomorrow. i dont know how to face her :/

take it easy SM

another failed attempt

the clock struck 7.06 am. 2400 ticks had gone by since the moment my eyes were exposed to the darkness surrounding my bed. it was 6.25 then, i knew it as i reached out for my phone next to the bed.

i ended up getting up at 6.35, my failed attempt in convincing myself to get back to sleep. i'd had a total of 3 dreams about the results. 2 bad news and the other was a mediocre. somehow, something told me then, that it's not going to be pleasant.

so i got up and out of the room, headed to the front door. unbolted the locks to find the newspaper lying there already. picked them up and sat on the couch, flipping through page by page by page...

E3... E4... E5... E6... oh crap! it's not there.. :/

not much of surprises eh?!

the very minimal of it, the person being written about totally embraced the piece and loved every bit of it. at least she felt what i was trying to express, at least i'd finally made it clear to her what i wanted to express.

i know, it's a whole new form of perceptions eh? perhaps im making myself feel better..

the matter now with how i felt is that i dont think im feeling down because it's not published, i think it's more like because i'm disappointing her. no doubt, im sure my prediction would be right, i'm sure she'd say that it's okay (: being nice as usual..

the word disappointed has got into me. perhaps it was the results of last friday. the amount of impact those words of disappointment has brought.. i dont know.

***

i'd texted her (the person being written about) about the heart breaking news. fine, i've gone over the dramatic line.. but still, i think it's heart breaking :/ but i think it's too early when i'd sent my text, even now, i think it's still early for anyone to reply. so i shall wait for that..

till then, i need to find issues to blame on..

i blame the world for not praying and hoping together; then again, i posted my pleading post too late at night..

i blame the excessive crap in that piece of work; then again, who's the author..

i blame the amount of confidence people had injected in me; then again, it's my mind who's playing the trick.

i blame the situation of that particular day when i penned my piece for not being emo enough; then again, i'd got nothing to emo about..

i blame shern lyn for not pakat-ing with me :p ; then again, so what if she did..

i blame luck for never being on this side of life; then again, that's fate..

ahh.. nothing else to put the blame onto.

i wonder when will she reply to make me feel better. as long as she hasnt voice any words of approval in the failed act of my written piece, i wouldnt feel comforted..

wake up, cher!

results in countable hours

the appearance of this post clearly tells you the classic blogging routine of mine is back once again. and nothing's stopping me from blogging, not even the loudest thunder or the most blinding lightning. i am blogging no matter what. it's my second post of the day; sue me :p

i think it's too late for anyone else to read this blog post by the next morning before the newspapers are distributed out to the rest of malaysia.

true enough, i'd never had the slightest bit of concern about the on-going news around the world, but the excitement tomorrow, is the results of the essay competition for some teachers' day event.

usually, when excitement fills me, disappointment would be the trail of it. i dont feel extraordinary excited now, but i sure am looking forward to tomorrow's papers. so does that count in excitement?

i have plans in mind already.. to wake up early and grab the papers from that friendly uncle who sends them to us every morning, before anyone else in the house would see it. but plans usually work the other way.

simple explanation to all those crap of nonsense.. IM TERRIFIED! for the fact that it might not be there. i might let her down. and she wont have those cosmetics.

the trail of voices and sight of flying cosmetics and gsc tickets kept repeating in my mind.. oh! how disturbing!

so the rest of you who're reading.. pray hard for me, would ya?
loves..

rehabiliated

my camera's been taking a long rest already. it needs to rehabilitate, and i need to restore those long vanished sparks of vanity in capturing poser pictures (: i'd finally done one, for the sake of my slide, which isnt going to be up.. but as long as im concerned, it'd brought me back to my vain self!

i trust that those neatly scribbled words are clear enough to be sighted. it reads my recognizable style of forming those little phrases which i find inspiring, reconditely..

i'd lost track of time, as to when was it when i'd begin to take a liking in these phrases. anyhow, i simply love them, what i term, "my contradicting phrases". they felt so deep, preciously arranged in a profound manner that what was told wasnt as simple as the narration.

well if you find my explanation on the contradicting phrases confusing, i have one word for you. it's COMPLICATED (:

***

those friday's ouch-ness found a better owner to attach itself onto. i'm too dead of a person to be hung onto for too long. so goodbye eh? and dont u take any u-turns along ur route (:

after going through the motion, being merajuk-ed at felt really sakit hati. and the wisest choice now is to go according to her words.

so there i go, including myself into those videos. there's no escape to this. anyone?

oh yesh! it feels awesome to be like a 7-up bottle, releasing those poisonous gas, we go POP, POP, POP.. as we watch it dissolve in the air. and thanks for being the opener to my bottle (:


sheau swan
i've got not classes this week (: and i've been out late giler last night :D excuse me for the freedom of exam! :p and what was it which i did that you find so funny on friday? xp

disturbed..

im terribly upset over some insignificant matter. i know im over reacting. but it feels so ouch-ed being merajuk-ed at.. i shouldnt even be taking it seriously. even the person who merajuks isn't really merajuk-ing. come on la, sm..

i should be really excited now, judging by the fact that exams are officially full-stopped. at least, in my way of interpretations, it ends right at 10.25 this morning (: who pays any concern on the rest? maybe you do. but i dont exactly.. no hard feelings.

the initial plan was to ace the exam and party at the launching of some album tonight. in sg wang. now that, i'd totally screw my papers, i screw my plans too.. :/

such a disturbed post.. ahhh! i likey doing those slides, but they might not be up :/ sighh.. im leaving things as they'll be. im not making anything work, but it's ok if things go the right way.

i'd given up on emo-ing long ago. but now, it looks like it's back. because of some unnescesary kiddish act on me..

no one to entertain my fridays,
no one to cheer my saturdays,
no one to recharge me on sundays,
but things will be turned around by monday (:

i shall be patient..

an omg to remember

it's really really a chasm now since the last time i blogged. so to kill the lifelessness of it.. i shall blog about the recent joyous state which has attached itself to my emotions since monday (:

as mentioned, monday has been blissful enough to paint a certain permanent smile on my face, not to mention the wednesday work of art again..

i can hardly imagine the state im in now. it's not as easily explained as it was felt. perhaps im feeling proud for someone else's pride again.

i cant believe she made it to the national stage.. it all began with just stacks of cards in a racing car box. now, we term, a product to be.

i cant stop myself from being all so concerned about it. for bothering all way through the hurrying period to show the care i have for it, concluding things in a much slower pace indirectly.

i'm really hoping for the best of things.. :D

sparkling

i have heaps to blog again. the sincerest bliss i'd ever felt.. the deepest joy ever sparkled. but time constrain! i have to work on my delayed moral assignment! :/ so yeah.. sorrey readers. if u think im being drastically mean by getting it started and finding out that it's not leading u anywhere. sorry. but shall have to die, if im not done with this..

so bear with me eh?!

folio.

It was the deadline for the submissions of the yearly history folio today. Ahhh... all our hard work; our endless, sleepless nights; our dead-celled finger tips, the results of excessive typing. And the end of it was engraved on this remarkable awesome-mood day :D

The expected results - an exceedingly thick folio..
The novelty of people - awe-shocker, with certain are u insane? implications or the usual it's SM look..

So that's that. The ss (syok sendiri) ness of embracing those complementing moments are unobstrutively seen on my seemingly pleased face and muted nods. I often hope they're within the understanding of simple common sense within others as I awkardly nodded. It symbolised the speechlessness of me due to those blarneys.

I am easily pleased. Maybe that's what nature quote, narcissism. But i'd never liked being vain. It feels bad to intimidate. Though that, i'm never easily satisfied. It sound contradicting now eh? Well, that's me..

Alright.. enough of personal vanity and self thoughts.

now for the real drama, bringing my extremely pleasant mood now..

those text messages :D

smiles, laughs, cheers!

im laughing idiotically at that hilarious phrase i'd encountered.
and i still am
im flailing my hands up in the air with much excited..
im hopping all around the waxed floor causing earthquake.
im still attempting on the murder of those butterflies in my tummy.

why?
merely because it's monday tomorrow (:

because i believe in love

i'd been relating every of my personal message in msn to my daily blog post. every different content brings every distinct implication of my personal message. in the nut shell, read my blog (:

as my fingertips punch on the keys of my keyboard, i feel the blogging mood radiating deeper, centralizing my blogging inspiration and neglecting those hard work on historical concentration. nevertheless, my history folio is completed, once and for all. here comes goodbye, folios (:

my final piece of historical art, never again, in the years to come :D

so i'd been listening to chinese songs again, and the novelity, the emotional conflicts are back. and still portraying the role easily-inspired me, i'd got back to those old, rusted thoughts of mine which hadnt roam far enough to travel out of mind.

fine.. i emo-ed for an hour. or two. so what?!

somehow, i got lost. in the midst of clouds and fine strings of memories strutting ubiquitously in the mind. and the song "because i believed in love" echoed through my auditory canal.

being in love, is the greatest thing one could wish for. there's only a countable few lucky humanoids who'd actually felt that love. which i had once felt for..

the intensity and intertwining of love can be interpreted in a less perplexed way, making things very much easier for a pair. that is, my recondited opinion, at least.

i'd loosen those metallic ropes around that matter long ago. though it was tough, at the very minimal of it, it's over.

those days are already history..
now this, is the new me (: