wrecked: i miss school because *fill in the blanks*

I said i dont need you,
I thought i could pull it through,
But the fact is, i still do,
Simply because i know it's true.

Every syllable charges me with energy,
Even magic cant bring immortality,
But with your voice ringing in my ears,
It's like i suddenly have no fears.

The lyrical quotes might signify a thousand lies,
But nothing beats the tears in my eyes,
Then i looked up and wished upon the clear blue sky,
I saw you turning back, but you still didnt come by.

Remember you said you were grateful that im always there,
But now, i could only pick up my phone and stare,
I texted you, but you never came,
And again, i went through that same kind of pain.

You're not my lover,
Nether are you my mother,
But ironically, i care for you,
I would wedge my life even if i have to.

You said life is tough,
You thought mine isnt rough,
You've got it wrong for you'd never seen,
How bitter my path had been..

"i've got a i heart question mark written on the back of my hand"

starstruck addiction; taylor swift's deep...

"Being fearless isn't being 100% not fearful, it's being terrified but you jump anyway..."

well, i have not manage to apprehend the total alteration in the shine of music but, im getting very taylor-swift-ish. i think ive watched every taylor swift music video that youtube has got to offer. and yeah, that's what happens when you've decided to trash the internet for the day :p

addictivity has reached a whole new limit. it's yet another novel role for me to care of and simply, to mess up my mind a little :D i like it though..


hmmmm, im planning something big :D i never fancy the idea of big revelry making or crowded celebrations. i like things simple, fancifully simple. just adequate to touch the heart. but well, it's not for me this time, it's for someone.. and it's got to be all perfect :D

perfection? not much of a new vocabulary to me ;)
but shhhhhhh...

the love-is-in-the-air feel has taken a u-turn, cause im feeling it again. yeah, i feel love all around me :D encircling the mind. but well, it is all in the mind :D

it feels good to know that someone loves you :) the protection romeo has got to offer is invincible, and you know it. it's so... lovey dovey la :p

"maybe it's true, i cant live without you; maybe two is better than one"

the first of the other 25th Sept.(s)

it's rather delinquent to be still blabbering here in blogspot now. but well, i havent posted a word for today, despite jamming up my twitter updates at the left tab over there :D i shouldnt be rapped ya know, it's gladlyCast that has been setting me updates-abbusive :p

anyway, it's too early of the day and too erratic of the night to be cramming my blog posts with considerably immense words. prostration has almost crushed my creative bone and wrecked that enthusiasm in me.. ugh..

i didnt know i was this debilitated. vigorically, im still doing good. the animated contentment in me right now is in fact forceful enough to class off the unsubstantialness of the operating muscles. i was still pretty sure of today's vibrant, if it wasnt for the brisk walk i took to turn on the switch. ahh, i shaky knees, midnight syndrome ;)


and by the way, my mission failed last night, i slept before mum woke up. so much for that, im too much of a goodie goodie daughter to be awake to bear the racking "why arent u sleeping" talk :D i will soon be, if i stay on here (:

today's the first 25th of september that i actually take note of, the beginning of the rest of the forevers to come :D after spending 14, 25th-of-september-s, this is one precious case. and happy birthday to you..
refer to twitter: if each birthday signifies the growth of wisdom, dont worry, you arent very bright :p

and i did it already, earlier than some huge distraction.. or rather, anger evokement :)
i won :D

for a moment, eye drops seem to moisture the eye, supplying the life back to them. but now, it's losing its sway. so, so dry.. eeek! but still, i really do cherish this time of the day the most - when night has fallen but dawn is still unbroken :)




it's so cute isnt it?
someone's birthday gift, but i cant remember who's..
faint memory, how typical :p

sometime in dark morning :)

oh my eyes feel as though they're dehydrating D:
im squinting, real bad, to merely allow a slight parting for the rays of light. it's 2.30ish now, and it's am. i havent, in any of the past trails, stayed up as late as this.

mum usually wakes up at 4 to throw the bucket of stinky clothes into the washing machine. let's see if she'll find her daughter going to bed then :p

oh, and i can tweet anytime, anywhere i want now! new discovery, but let's hope it doesnt bring a tumbling raise to my phone bill. or else, jengjengjeng... ;)

does anyone know anything about some 'un' and 'hy' english theory?
vague summary, lacking solid information.
tell me :)

"let's spend tonight on top of the world"

i am who i am..

im me, that crazily whacked kid with extra i-dont-care bits for her individuality, having sufficing grey matter in mind but never entirely utilized, and that deep thinker who freaks out just any sane human.

im simply me, im sweet mae.
and hi :D

then, as impulsive as ever, someone thinks that i shouldnt be this version of me. with the intention to polish the better side of me, to be whoever i was supposed to be. and that someone whom i was supposed to be, is nothing less than reluctance.

yeah yeah, who doesnt wish for fame and triumph to fall like raindrops :p
but somehow, after a bit, the raindrops would transform into razors, cutting you by every touch. i dont need success, if it saps happiness. really..

i know it's all of good intention, i know what expectations i can meet and sketch. but ya know what, it's just that, sometimes, i'd rather have a happy past than a proud one. a happy one is adequately awesome to be proud of (:

and im sorry if i should disappoint you (:


it has been nine months. but im pretty sure i havent change, not a bit. it's just that the expectations grew as the period of our acquaintance grew (:




im still that insane kid who thinks pictures tell a thousand tales. the cracked kid who fancy self-taken pictures :p



the childish teen who pulls funny faces at cameras, still thinking it's amusing.






the eccentric nerd who hangs online all hours in the day, and still managed to complete books of 2 inches.

the caffeince proof midnight walker, who survives by green tea frappucino (:

the deep thinker, who claims that she's brainless, who writes beyond the comprehension of the world, who eludes every obvious fact to state and sate the mind's persuasion.

and the huge fan, oftwo very acessible reality ideals.




one who generated the life altering idea; and the other who completes the mission.



and well, nine months later.. now..

something did change after all, i'd got an extra role shape-r and a dream come true (:
what more can i ask for in life..
it's good enough (:

"thank god even crazy dreams come true.."

ive never adulated someone as much as this..

i feel like a substance abuser now - very bugged, super addicted, extremely dejected. it's as if i had floored that stage again. that emotionally disturbed platform. gaaaah, ive been thinking across the limits again. no wonder.. pfft.

but seriously, i do feel like a serious addict right now. and please, im not on drugs. and im absolutely conscious on that, though it's some when of midnight now that im, literally, slamming my keyboard :p i still think straight la.. through emo-ness, i still do :D

it's like you'd relish in the motion of it, you'd wish it would never come to an end, you'd wish upon simply anything and just about everything for it to happen. but who knows, the more you take it, the harder it is to cease.

and it takes a whole lot to stop it. it's like abstaining yourself from smoking when you're an insane smoker. even rehabilitation centers cant cease this sort of agony. ahhh, you're the only corrective (:


the broadness of your trails is just like that. lighting up the umbra encircling my eyes, and illuminating hopes. dreams are coming true like raindrops, for your words keep me strong.

it's another mean of survival, despite life's necessity (:
and i actually want to tell you this..




if only you could stumble into my blog somehow, someday :p im not surprised even if you do, for i make things pretty obvious :D

let me relate this to you, it feels better than getting an autograph from MJ; way happier than a photograph with taylor lautner; even luckier than a movie with *insert your ideal choice of date*.. it reaaaally does.

and that's all an individual with a ideal perfection could do. though i know she's not perfect.. but well, i am canonizing her somehow. and im believing it, for i am.

i havent gone out of mine. no worries :p

"give me a therapy; im a walking travesty"

geographical whoop :p

i'd just noticed, i missed the 200th post in my blog. must be some mood bleach or excessive happy post for me to slur past such an eventful thing. sorry for the belated celebration.. but hey, it's better than nothing (:

im officially a self-declared nerd :p
have been setting my blurry eyes on homework. to analyze things this way, i place more of a wedge on tuition homework than school's. well maybe aside english, but still, quaintly i do.

twas battling with geography; thousands of pages to complete. the fuzzy ringer of maps and tiny trails of neatly typed questions make me punk. ugh.. i was quite a huge geog nerd, but now, consistency scooped me off the edge.. whatever la.

and if you must question, i really did this.

god knows what blow of vivacity got me to literally snip my textbook and replace that particular snipped part with quotes. i know, im an insane quote lover, but to this stretch, im deadly wacky :p

oh no, teachers would be bound to have the littlest interest and pride to share with me. we should love books, i know, but hey, this is how im loving it :D it makes me strong ya know



another six days to be hitting school again.
im missing school already, oddly but yes. i hate to admit it. i just do. there's something in the hustle of school - through the chats and gossips encircling the mind, the laughter seeping through hearts and love spreading through the walkways, there's a smile there for me to catch :D
something that i can never find at home.

"she wears short skirts i wear t-shirts; she's cheer captain and im on the bleachers"

missing tracks; in need of supper...

somehow the ceaseless flow of gastric juice in my tummy isnt doing me any good at this stage. perhaps plain scientific analytic terms failed me, for im lacking food to digest internally. i've no supper tonight :/

in foursquare, im more of a supper consumer than a dinner taker :p
i hold the tightest execration for dinner, for a certain reason, despite stating the obvious. typical weekday dinners arent very inviting. nope, not at all.. hmmm..

i guess im slashing up the midnight mode again ;) and im pretty convinced now too, that it's not good to feel your tummy being corroded bit by bit. it's better to have it all dozed up in a sleep to never feel it happen. yeah, sleep is the best elucidation :p

my eyes are in drying up. the moisture level is reaching aught. and i guess if i dont sleep sooner, the water content would be dessicated very, very quickly and of the absurd sensitivity, swollen eyes. eeeek! D:


for more of reality's check, we'd lost it today. the decision just slipped off our possession and we'd ended up having two very consumable meals for the first fraction of the day. what an incongruity to the gastric now! biology swirls your mind sideways :) but i like it :D


oh yes, facebook didnt fail me that much altogether. i suppose it was just some inevitable technical difficulties that whipped up the mess and hatred i had for it. i wasnt on the parallel side of mood anyway, it's not its fault entirely (:

i still love facebook :p

"we can do anything; we can be anything"

facebook de-happy-ized the mood..

a fairly progressive day it is today. and there's another 55 seconds to measure up one intact day. im lost and i still am, despite the burning rage and the uncrushable frown on my forehead. i dont fancy it at all.

it's good to be speaking to old friends again, and in my term of depiction, old denotes precisely three years. yeah, i miss them tonnes and loads now, and im placing my highest hopes that the year-end gathering would run well :D

facebook is being a jerk. which rightly sapped all the gaiety out of me, and im marooned with much, much dejection and annoyance. yerr.. i hate it when facebook malfunction, especially now that it means that much to me D:


pmr shouldnt be less than 18 days, i presume. i cant educe from streaks of vague memories on time and dates to come, for i cant even recall what's gone by. too bad for me then. but hey, it's good :D at the minimal of it, it kills the nerves ;)

and again, let me have it facebook!
oh please do.. it's scrapping off the tiniest bit of excitement in me..
come back to live.. ahhh..

"i just wanna scream and lose control; throw my hands up and let it go"

commencement of holidays and she hits my life..

"You and I are not what we eat; we are what we think"

i have an image of mind. an image of a disturbed mind, whirled and meddled. as much as the one currently in possession. for she expects the world out of me, and i dont seem to dream as much as that.

i may do it, i might do it, i can do it. but the ponder is, am i willing to do it..



the incessant trails of text messages simply makes me whoopy :D who could have ever conceived or even risk the trust of being in such slenderness in distance to someone who steals your breath away, in an appropriately admirable manner. to even come close to that in thoughts, i dare not, for the perpetual fear of the smarting jab and the condensed happiness.

but let me relate this to you, happiness is just too small of a word to exist in the thickest dictionary on earth to depict this distinguish state of bliss. it's like love, but better (: at least, it doesnt sends you deep into emotional disturbance.


then again, it just did. for she'd suggested a thought that could never be made true, not because i cant. but because i refuse to.

for her sake, i would just fall into it and cue her way, just the identical style she wants me to trail my path. but considering the fact that it would suck up my happiness, i wouldnt. notwithstanding, her magical mind control cast on me might be forceful enough to clash them off? ive aught clue.

i just cannot settle it in mind, that i would have to be in the same lodge as a silly tree with equal amount of commitment and spirit. i cant, for at its presence, i'd even kill D:

but should i just try?
being me, i wouldnt. but for her, i dont know.



today was good anyway :D one of those mundane holidays routine of being online for excessively long and naggy hours despite the permanent mind pollution imprinted: pmr. it lacks the strength of my name to care. im just born not to (:

youtube karaoke-ing is fun, when you have a brand new microphone to do the singer echo-ish trick. but note to self, and all you people, dont tell anyone when you do sing. or they'll throw you the culpability for the cause of the rain :p

"no matter where life takes me to, i'll meet you there"

i went crazy for the hyp :D

im loco! yay!

ive officially lost my mind. woops.. cant seem to find it anywhere :D

I dreamed a dream

"now life has killed a dream i dreamed"

it's a paradox, such an exasperating sort of dejecting incongruity. i execrate it when time has decided to incline on a highly emotional day. my emotions are running low in energy recordings, my expressive cells are feeling low. i've over-manipulated them for the excitement in dawn, the premium bliss at noon, the contentment in the evening, and now, the substantial spin.

yes, i'd juggled all those sentiments and unspeakable ardor in just one day of 24 supposedly simple hours. life is colourful (: and in mind, you'll find more colours than you typically would in a 14-year-old..


im inspired, pretty esoterically in a way. and sometimes, the diffused ringer in my mind depicts a vague future. sometimes, it's like i'd sailed pass time to where the future belongs, as though im certain of a distinguish time ahead. but the thing is, im not.

and as much as the delusional state costs, the future is not as perfect. i know..

i'd just listened to Les Miserables's "I Dreamed A Dream", an awesome piece indited, sung beautifully and meant a whole lot beyond the facial expressions displayed by the singer. i felt it, the way every note was meant to touch the heart, and every word was written for that sort of comprehension.

at least, there's one soul in this wide, wide world, who truly cherishes this song.

"sometimes goodbye is a second chance"

happy is officially in my dictionary!

"Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling"

dingdingding.. you've reached your destination: station happy-wappy :D


i guess nothing whips the refined bliss in me right now. really, nothing at all!
i know how it feels like to give a gift now, it's delighting (: i cant find a larger adjective to simply narrate this state of joy im in.
im just absolutely, utterly happy (: simple.

and it's been a while since i'd felt so, thanks for bringing it back to me :D

so i made someone happy, and someone made me happy because i made someone happy. this reverse effect thing has been playing pretty well since a couple of days ago. i paint the smiles and someone paints mine, unintentionally. and i bet someone doesnt even know it :D


anyway, the revelry again la. the end of exam and the beginning of holidays, to spring up another week, crammed with annoyance of being at home. i dont like it..

i cant grip my mind firm, i cant keep my thinking straight. i feel like i'd just slide down the rainbow to the other colourful side it has. it's just not within my construable competency. i fail in explanations, but whatver, im perfectly blissed :D weeeeeeee!

and so, im smilling alone again, starring into the dead dead screen of my daddy's laptop. sigh when will mum get me a new adapter.. and when will i get a temporary charge of battery if i were to continue using mine. oh gosh, blame yourself SM. u blew it up!

"it's the love that i'd found ever since you came around"

today's luck

life is getting more and more loco by the day. i wouldnt narrow down the time stream in this case of the incident, as i commonly love branding them with ticks and seconds and moments and instants or whatever other sort. it's too unexpected and far beyond the limits of believe, simply because anything might burn up any moment.

and yes, i literally meant it, verily. the laptop wire for battery charging just sparked up approximately an hour ago. being the typical me, i almost died! and obvious enough, i panicked like a daft.

how am i to survive the days with no computer! and besides, the holidays are zooming right up after tomorrow and im supposed to be happy about it =/ oh gosh! what has technology done to me.. but oh well, i can always take someone else's property for mine.

like my daddy's laptop now ;)


well, if you didnt know, im such a news-spreader :p
after an instant or two after the 'explosion', half the world has got my panic text message already, i presume. well, perhaps people who would care to reply my almost everyday panic tragedies :D i love them ya know, those who bothered to actually make me laugh :D

yay! i love eva too. yes, Eva Chen, yeah, the intense hyper in the class of 3A1, and perhaps the wildest one in the chronicles of A1. we rock and really think we do (: we have the best brainless nerd :p the hyperest freaks. the sot-est syok sendiri people :D and even the lamest creeps ;)

and someone who made me laugh without the intention too. somehow, i'd always see the sunlight when im with her and she just seem to push every obstacle that comes into my path away. she's like ms. everything's fine, if i were to give her a role in my life :p but that depends if she's willing to.

i love her too (:

weeeeeeeeeeee! im loving everyone and everything that exist. maybe because im hungry.
right, time for supper :p

"you showed me the way to leave the past and all its tears behind me"

i work best brainless :D

enjoy my dumbness (:

A History Test Woo.

Starring at the odd movements of my finger,
Shaping and flattening the waste of an eraser,
I tried writing the noticed physicality,
But well, profoundness fails the truth of reality.

And hence the generation of this inane piece,
Oh my heart is beating an endless seize,
Just everytime I think of that state of bliss,
I'd shake and melt with no cease.

My pencil worked as i resume writing,
When i know really this is plain scribbling,
But nothing's to stop me when time is creeping,
I'm sick of staring, not doing a thing.

Rhymes indited reminds me of mr quote,
He, whom I owe gratitude tonnes and loads,
Since i'd given up that esoteric coat,
He stumbled by to save my sinking boat.

I shall go on until the ticks hit ten,
When the history paper would finally end,
Though the science is still at pend,
It's alright, there's nothing laughter cannot mend.

I havent got a wrap for this horrible mess,
Ahh.. I knew this style wasnt my best,
There's just another line to complete the rest,
Yes! It's ten o'clock, the end of the test!

* * *

as the 10 o'clock a.m tick struck today, i ended my horrible piece of unapproved poem. it's been long since i'd penned. and it was because of a friend who ignited this part of me again. i feel like embarking on another writing journey all over again. who cares if it's dinned :p

the results of running out of questions in a history test, you tend to blabber to yourself silently in your head, with odd gestures now and then. you tend you scribble and doodle unbroken jots on your paper and me, i tend to crap endlessly :p


and for the real post today, it's below (:

"i thought i knew the melody that i'd heard you singing"

impression failure

no specific profundity to relate for today, neither were there any for yesterday. and yes, sorrey for not appearing here in blogspot. i cant help but to descry this: people are straying from blogspot. well, it's either that, or no one is coming here, to my seemingly prominently splashly layout, but turns out, charged with aught vibrant.

i type too deeply and speak too swiftly in my head. oh yes, this reminds me of something. i work best, brainless. which brings the implication of which i dont have a well working brain :D and hence, better to not have one than to carry an extra freight of pointless knowledge. in other words, profundity :D

i like them ya know. those minor profoundness i find in myself. i feel like a very small philosopher but just substantial enough to feel the contentment (:



ohh, yesh. yesterday was fun. of all the silence in the air and extra musty bits in the gas content, due to freakable peace and serene in the classroom of 3A1. fine, it was the agama paper. but still, the noise wouldnt have met such an unpredictable muted pause.

and the next cue to that, we passed papers. okay, my book to be precise. my long marooned homework book. it unveils the truth now, the truth of the extended time period of homework neglects and whatever more to add bits of sourness to sweet mae :p


and another of today, i broke miss boey's key :(
sorrey teacher, it was completely unintentional. all i could educe now from faint memory is that i was opening the door and the next moment, the key fell with the lock. and somehow, it broke =/ ahhh, i feel really bad, especially when she's still so nice about it.

speak about effectuating good impressions, i just winded up one. anyway, i did good in the other, i presume :D


and by the way, im up blogging for educational purposes la kay :p
blogging improves english and well, tomorrow's the english paper..
what a lame excuse! :D

"im on the top of the world looking down on creations.."

ego + sarcasm = on your face

i'd acquitted like an infantile kiddo last night, despite the bottomless thrust into those typically aberrant thoughts of mine in being a useless grand kid. im sorry for pestering the universe with my own frustration.

frankly, it was 2 in the morning and with a terribly somnolent brain, stilled poked with emotionless energy to blog about the contrition of the past, i cant help but to topple over senses. i just needed to let it out. and a thousand thanks to those who bothered to endure the sight torture :p

i couldnt grasp myself. i didnt even want to, i'd just wish for the emotions to flow and gush out of myself and it did. thanks to someone who didnt do anything as well (:



mum will obviously restrict me from the midnight oil burning tonight. let's just say, i'd gotta wait until the pre-pmr is over. and when another burder slips off life. it's good ya know, to feel lighter by the second.

but then again, the weight thrown upon is never weightier than what every tick would draw.

some people think ive chased myself out of my mind, to actually neglect the nerd-ifying motion of the exams this round. i did, and i know you are amazed at my presence online. and as i mentioned earlier, im not as flawless as you think i am..

but well well, you'd never thought i was flawless. you thought you were. and somehow, reality has decided to prove you wrong (: i may be getting more ego by every glory up the step, but at least, i have what it takes, unlike you. wannabe (:

oh yes, thank you for bringing me here. if it wasnt for you, i wouldnt place double the effort to mark you off the list (: thanks, very much appreciated :D

"she's like, so whatever; i can do so much better"

he's my hero :D [ was, is, will ]

i used to have the deepest abhorrence for him. that man whom i'd witness laying on his bed harmlessly with the slightest grudge held against the callous acts which i'd always display. i owe him a huge part of life and love.

i grew up with the notion of him, being a dishonest man and a cruel soul. the idea of which lodged onto my frozen mind for years, and it was only months ago when the perception rotated, when i'd realize that it was me all along, being the heartless one.

he'd always loved me, he'd always spared me a share of laughter, he'd always fought battles of obstacles in my path and he'd always given me my dreams. but he was never haughty enough to make me realize. i had been blind, but not anymore. the truth of reality are just the right lenses to mend my sight.

her super-falsifying panorama, it was everything that she'd do to gain the trust and retain the superiority, always forcefully reaped out of every one of our faces. it's true, no one likes her, but she doesnt know. such, a sad case..

upon the tiled flooring of the 7th floor i stood, hours ago, stunned at the environment he's got to put up with. it was like human dumpster, but then again, choice isnt placing it's wedge on us. or rather, she ripped every possible pick.. it was plain commiseration.

and what makes it worse, he didnt even muttered a word of dissatisfaction or even portrayed the slightest emotions of discontentment. he knew precisely and comprehended perfectly the trouble home brings, he knew he wasnt a dejected piece there, he knew we loved him, and i know he cheriches it.

that strong man i'd once seen, the muscular features he once possessed which i used to wonder in amazement when i was a kid... they have all decided to forsake him. the bones beneath the thin layer of protection seems like it's emerging day by day. it scares me to see him this way..

im so awfully torn into fragments of useless scraps, i feel so horrible for being such a cold brat. ive murdered the feelings of an old man who cares about me, and just stepped upon it for years at that unhealled wound. without the slightest bit of concern.

i miss childhood, when i didnt know a thing. when i was actually innocent enough to escape reality. i wish we had more time together...

i've never actually said this before, and i hope it isnt too late. i love him.. and i really do.

"you ought to know by now how much i love you"

homeless kiddo ...

i live in a house, but not a home. how ironic is that, but im blinking serious..

i should credit the see-saw philosophy for bringing me to this premium fruition of life. im homeless, ironically, literally, metaphorically, it depends on your angle of perception. i dont owe anyone any declaration, im fine just this way..

when life presents you with something, it's got to draw a similar vantage in return. when life has agree to present you with sufficing intelligence; it has decided to hold the competency of logicality. subsequently, when life has decided to relinquish life's luxuries; it has decided to gain control of your emotional agony. and when it has finally decided to offer precious love and care, it's got to grip on unusual havoc.

and why is that so.. gaaaah.

i'd rather surrender reality luxuries and mental grey matters and the emotion of love, i just want to feel human. and believe me, i dont feel like one now. i wish i could just pour out all this musty content in me: the long-ago sour carbonated drink in this bottle, yet to pop.. i need a listener.

i have a distinguish character in mind, so will you do it for me?



ahhh, hunger seems to be conquering my mind and.. stomach.
i need to deep myself in the joy of supper and refresh the dying state of my tastebuds.
so taaa.. :D

"and the dreams of which im dying are the best I'd ever have"

she wanted to know... but i dont know =/

i wouldnt throw the culpability on you if the cover of me descried seem faultlessly decent with a happy happy story. and if an elucidation is required, i can just send my deepest apologies. it's not that i refuse to explain, it's just that, even if i do.. everything is beyond comprehension.

and what more, it took me 14 years to ascertain this fact. yes, 14 somewhat torturing years. so even if i dont mind narrating the whole story, it would take another 14 years for you to finally perceive the whole implication beyond the simple narrations. ahhhh, plain complications.. forget it.



well well, pre-pmr is coming up really soon. and in this case, the precise delineation would be, just tomorrow. and what a tranquil state im in now, to still relish in the enticement of blogging and not to mention the post-trials mood! :D

the mend of dusk today just logged the end of upsr. the identical endurance we went through a couple of years ago and now, it seems so... kacang. staring at the trailless silhouette pmr is currently sketching, it's apparently stressful. but hey, two years in time, we'll look back with the same old feeling, ahhh.. that was kacang :p


oh gosh, mum wont let me stay up tonight. with the constant theory of enough sleep ensures alertness for the upcoming papers on the cueing day. ahh, whatever.. people has stop the stressing thing, probably because i've proved my stand already. but still, my granite stands firm, i still need to impress her :D

i have a rather odd way of sorting things out, a queer way of determining routes and stands of life. and very often with excessive instinctive ingredients, just to lift my heart up high :D so bear with me if you think im doing stupid things just for good impressions :D


so much for the rants about my new duty position, i love it now. and i really do. i know why (: and im quite certain of it too (: ahh, despite the early presence in school. yeah, drowsy energetic state, lacking of that certain kind of savvy and half closed eyelids, yada yada yada. it keeps me fresh with early morning sweat.. hmmm

and well, a certain sort of animated boost too :p

"white laces and promises"

blog bits :D

it's like splashing iced water on a somnolent mind. im half conscious. despite the working fingers tapping on the keys and the drowsy mind vaguely dictating the key of the post, im actually asleep.

i feel weaker by the night, by the ticks of the seconds and by each beat of pulse. perhaps im lacking sleep. most presumably. i woke up at 6 the previous morning with only 4 hours of sleep when i usually dream pass at least 6 or 7.

im taking a break today. a stop for a change (:


nothing precise to blog about again. nothing especially big happened in the day, neither did it flush at night. and nothing significant to provoke and evoke colours in my dull, dull mind right now.

okay! i need to sleep.
bye (:

your smilemaker

the ultimate implementation of a deceptive, amenable kid, pmr is a sort of art. a sort of unspoken pristine state of art, splashing colours into our lives, literally and metaphorically. and when i state literally, i meant black.

yeap! the colour of the refined black, which supposedly delineates elegance. but so much for its paradox, it's imaging the contradiction of beauty on me. it's painting dark circles. in other words, im looking identical to a panda, with emerged eyebags and horrible dark circles.

fine, im forcing the culpability on pmr when it's just me staying up to relish in the serene of the night, the peace you can never taste in daylight, even with the slight fear of being bugged to bed. i dont care if the fear is giant enough to prike me offline :p



a holiday today, for a change. and apparently, for us, the last minute pmr candidates to drown ourselves in the misery of kh's stitching and history's facts and geography's maps. but no, somehow, i'd decided to chuck all those precious ticks away and stayed online the whole day.

the exam guilt is long gone, for i have not even recover from the post-trials-exam mood. and what more, to study harder for the next paper? that'd be the last you'd expect from me ;)

but well well, with more teachers settling in facebook. there's more reminders to study, with the constant questions in the chat box: arent you supposed to be studying?
and that's when all the exams guilt seeped in.

the entire vivacity when in the lights of the house has died down, but as much as my energy level contradicts, im feeling so energetically boosted all of a sudden. and i wonder why.. hmmm..



anyway, im happy la today :D though there's still much screaming going about and the grumbles never did take a break, with extra bits of harshness today, i'd pull it through with a big fat smile (:

i know why this time.. cause im your smilemaker, and if im not happy, how am i to sustain the magnitude of my smilemaking ;)

"nothing's gonna change my love for you"

morning yo!

an astonishingly early morning post from me :D it's 2 am in the morning, check the post time below if im too much to trust :D it's just right below.

i dont know, exactly, what im doing up here at this hour of the night, but as stated once here, i love the midnight scent. perhaps im missing it? naaaah, cant be. or else, it means im missing my books! oh no!

speaking of that, ive been procrastinating again. and exam is on its way again. how very unfortunately, it always seems to be chasing time. or rather, chasing us.

i dont need another one. pmr is horrifying enough, and spm is in another 2 years. shoot me! ;)

so yeah, ive blogged what i wanted to. just to show my presence (:
tata now :D

"a dream is a wish your heart make"

not so sunday-ish

today is one exceptionally singular sunday. im dozed to an intense degree that i think i slept for more than half the day. and i just cant swallow that. anyway, now, i can tell you in foursquare, sleeping helps to elude life's undying troubles. and it is in a sleep when a wish is made in a dream that flushes hopes in life.

i know i sound bothered, well that's because i really am. which was why i snoozed the whole day. stupid but simple, for a weak mind-er like me ;)



i dont think she ever will aprehend the truth that lies beneath each and every one of us, the layer of human beneath our skin and the cluster of wight diffused between our flesh. i know she's been through a lot, but that doesnt mean we have to.

doesnt she know what she's doing is affecting two whole generations? gosh.. that woman is one selfish brat. needless to say, im born in such a situation, and i should know better how to lam out of it.

it's a horribly confused mess, but it's what i call my life. im totally snarled up.



whatever it is, unbroken time drifts. and i shall not let it pass pointlessly, only to carve bitterness into my sweet sweet chronicle :D

somehow or rather, i shall find a way to cease this throe in life, even if i were to drug myself to immunity, i shall. 14 years is too had to hard to tolerate, and the rest of my life, never.

"like somehow you just dont belong and no one understands you"

an update at last!

the past week of light blogging was completely unintentional. something in a day's fatigue has bleached the daily blogging bits to white. and especially in me. it's like sloth has dominated my mind, and i'd just sit in front of a youtube-d screen, clicking :D

it was days ago when i'd last emo-ed, when i mentioned earlier that i didnt want to speak of it again. having your mind jammed pack of frustration and especially with a larger crack in between the streams is not good. but luckily it didnt have the chance to last long this time :D someone clashed off the dumps in my mind, brushing colours :D literally.

thank you (:



last night was pretty whacked, surfeited with the best of laughter and done with an awesome blast of a six + 1 troop. pretty odd isnt it that we went out with a teacher, for a midnight show and could still get up at 9 for class the next day. if ya think pmr is crazy, i think we're crazier! :D

we rock, guys!
thanks for the awesome time, and yes, we're not any close to being drunk!
good kid la.. :p

it was somewhere through the movie when i almost teared. fine, it's a comedy (Imagine That) and it's obviously abnormal to cry in a comedy. no worries, im still sane :D but thinking of pmr ahead, the mental alert beeps again, time flies.

naaah, it's not that im anxious about the horror ahead, it's just that, i think i'll miss them for real. and i guess, no one would fall for what i just said. im too tough of a disguise to say that. but yes, i did. and i mean it (:



oh yes, i officially detest "the big sale" in malls. so much for keeping out pocket heavy and dwindling cash from flowing out, it brings nothing else but rubbish in the stores. it sucks. i'd rather pay i fortune to get something of name and looks than to pay less for the otherwise. in fact, i dont even need to pay :p

i guess it's pretty tough to buy the trust, but i went to six malls in 2 weeks and i failed as the usual shopperholic me. i cant even get a pair of okay-looking shoes! and what more, i'd intended to get new shades, and basically everything else!

the malls failed me. ugh. the shopping vogue had since blasted off its peak and shot up higher than the publics expectations but now to have drop from mine. it's me being fussy, but again, i strive for perfection ;)

that's the results of being an all life city kid. i shop like nobody's business ;) but hey, it is nobody's business :D



i feel more like a pro now, in blogging and in colouring my blog posts with more flowers in the variety of words :D i used to drown myself in emo-ness to do that. which is also why i seem to get over-worried again, thinking i write to cheesy-ly these days, for the simple reason that i dont blog emo-ly.

you people should slap me. seriously do! i think too much.. eeee-yerrr!


i guess i should yank on the brakes. im going too fast, and typing too much. ive flooded the post. right, so much of a contradiction from the previous posts. phew!

"i love you forever; forever is over"

i feel happy :D

im sorry blogspot, i know i've neglected you.

somehow, i dont feel the mojo of blogging these days anymore, it's like blogging resembles emo-ness and well, even if im emo, i seem to run out of mood to rant. i feel bad for pouring frustration into your minds.

anyway, despite yesterday's emotional conflinct which, i didnt bother blogging, today is such a contradiction! and i think i feel happy again :p it's good ya know, to know that there's always someone to support you.



eeeek, im hungry. and hunger wont do sm any good for blogging. so i shall bid off now. and again, it's short. sorrey! ;)

"and the dream that you dared to dream really do come true"

hungryyyy D:

my memory has been failing me, so much that it has inadvertently scrubbed off the custom note pinned on my head: blogging. it's one thing that i wouldnt miss in a day's exhausting routine, and yet, today must have been one havoc that it's gone in mind.

i must agree that ive been pretty distracted recently. true enough, exams are over, but then again, i have a procrastinated presentation to complete. ahhh i'd put off the idea of impressing someone with it.

perhaps ive ran out of mood. can i?

and by the way, empty minded SM dont work well.
so yeah, heading for food!
and if you're lucky, seeya later :D

meantime, catch up on my previous posts :D

"you'll be the prince and i'll be the princess"

dot dot dot

i dont feel anything anymore, for im completely stunned and displeased. for the pointless sake of the existence of exam in my life, i messed up a whole part of it. and now, it's just too late.

i tried shoveling deep into thoughts but i cant. im too distracted over the fact that im not flawless anymore, in fact, i never was. but at the minimal of it, i wasnt any close to the distinguishly quoted loser.

and what could 2 languange paper determine in life?
speaking fluency and writing pattern, i dont care at all. for i would never be able to strive through any of them. english or not, i always have terrible luck in english. faith sides analatical but destiny wedges mind power. both clashes and hence, SM.

hard to comprehend, deep to understand. frankly, even i dont. but i highly trust so.


can you not judge me and take it for granted like i am a happy person? i dont live in that blissful world you think i live in. and if you could just care to treat me a little better with more appreciation, i wouldnt end up in this current mood. come on, play life fair! it cant be me always to cheer you up.


right, im done and over with that.
horrible mood as you can very clearly read.

whatever, but life is quite fair on the other had, it took away an all time friend but it reignited the long lost inspiration. not bad for today at least. she's still nice if you could get the right topic :D

(:

"somewhere over the rainbow.."