These Pictures In My Head :)

I can no longer count my thoughts on time. Every tick seem to be twice it's speed by every second making each second seem like it's half of the latter. Looking at the time makes me rue the fact that I still have either piles of assignment, or an inbox jammed with email or just mindful thoughts.

Well, somehow, these obligations fill my time. And thanks for not allowing me to get all caught up in my own delusional thoughts.

It's almost a month since you left Assunta, almost a month when you shield off the name as an Assuntarian. I missed walking up and down every path with you..

Through the month, I dare say that I'd grown. I see different perceptions, undefined angles of every little minute things in life. I see the true colours in people, I see the more of myself as just a play role, being used to achieve certain dreams, I see true friendship, more lucent friendship as compared to those I once thought was. But most of all, I see how much you actually mean to me.

I'd since fallen over the edge, been picked up as trash, seen miracles transform into nightmares. But on the other hand, plucking bliss on the moon, experience new, fun stuff and laughed insanely :D

How did I feel about it now? I don't know. Am I still feeling as bothered? At this point, I can utter a low 'no'. But there are times when the 'yes' is pretty substantial.


Looking at the brighter side, if it wasn't for your transfer, we wouldn't have evolved another step. Or maybe even many steps already. I wouldn't have written you that book, and you wouldn't have ever knew the thoughts I had. And hence, you wouldn't have known me now.

Perhaps it's a fresh start. Novelty counts in reality :)

"if you happy and you know it clap your hands :)"

Superstar Series: #7

I still remember you routines last year :) You'd be in either 3C3 after class or 3M4 before class every Thursday, and sometimes.. well, most of the time, I'd be there :)

And we'd talk about just anything and everything under the sun, from the lectures, to sarcasm to being lame. It's really fun doing that, if only that could rewind itself, I don't mind getting more replacements for duties :)

you ; me

*talking about me, going to move*
eh come stay in Bandar Utama la.
so far, for what?!
cause i stay there! then we can have more time to meet
*shock*
and we could even go for walks in the park!
*shock*+ huge beam :)

Hard to picture the *shock* and *huge beam* thing, but deep inside, it's way beyond dramatic :D

"rah rah ah ah ah.. roma romama, gaga ooh lala..."

Hands Up

I dreamed a dream of such a precise illustration of what my mind subconsciously desires. Your return. In my dream, I dreamt that you return as a science teacher, and giving each one of us your very warm hug.

I acted a though I didn't care, but when you settled down, I gave you a HUGE hug :)
Does this indicate some prognosis? Like you're coming back? :D

Hmm, I'm too selfish for myself as an individual and as that kid who calls you my superstar. I should think for your pluses, not my own. But in reality, I am.

I still feel that ache in my heart. I do miss you, but I don't want to annoy you anymore. I shall stop. And hopefully, this isn't the last you're going to here from me.. or I'm going to hear from you..

I'm all up..

Superstar Series: #6

Remember that time, some when about the Mooncake Festival? It was after school, and there was this situation:

you ; me

*fumbles the bag of Mooncake in your car*
what you doing somemore?
*while panting* wait la, don't talk to me first.
ah, what you putting inside some more?
wait laa..
put yourself inside the bag la
can I?
after all you don't like going home wert..

At that point, I remembered that warmth that I felt. It was just priceless, just similar to how I felt reflecting at this point :)

"Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help"

I'm so fed up of mising you..

The amount of posts published here, in this very awesome blog that you're staring at, that was meant for you as a dedication just evoked an awkward feeling. I feel stupid. I'm feeling like a 'piece' all over again. And just why..

Being online for the sake of your erratic appearance and rush-y chats are just so mundane already, especially when the fruit is a rotten one. Reading our chat log used to be pleasant, but not anymore, when you're reading the same one, in such a dinned regularity.

Sometimes, I've asked so many times that I don't even want to ask anymore. I feel like a pain, myself. But what's the cure? I miss you so much that I can't stand being a horrible pain and doing it all over again. I hate myself for doing that.

The thought that I'd accepted your absence as how reality sketched, every little feeling proved me wrong. Though its effect isn't as substantial now, every now and then, some routine will evoke some memories and I wished that you'd be here to create some new ones together :)


Why does every little thing remind me of you?
Even just a simple action? You don't own them, and so you don't own me. But somehow, things just happen like, THAT.

I just miss you, but I'm so fed up of missing you already.
It's just a fact I can't change but wish to, just so badly..

"kau, terlalu istimewa.."

Double Tails and 7 Seaters

Referring to the title of my post.. it's basically a simple copy and paste routine. I always do, for indolence's sake. Still, I don't fake originality.. no implications :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY (BUBBLE-FACE) SUELYNN :D

Well, among the rest of the 6 of us, I got close to you the latest in the Lamers - which in the cue means, WE are the last to ber-lame :) and somehow, now, my house is like your third home :P Time works in a such droll way.

From being the blurrest, to the bubbliest to the lamest, we'd witness many things in a group and as individuals. The friendship you and I, and all of us have is something that no one could tear apart, even in many, many years to come.

I wonder what will life sketch in the rest of 2010. Given a wish upon a star, may all your dreams materialize :) and well, I did give you stars :P


and simply, Happy Birthday SueLynn :)

Superstar Series: #5

SOMETIMES.
i really do wonder
- Am i just like anyone of them;
or am I actually special?

Superstar Series: #4

Not a specific memory that is especially memorable that I wish to narrate, but it does relate to the present profundity.

Remember on that Wednesday, I said, "What if I'd never met you?"
"..What if I'd never spoken to you?" and I longed to say, "Will I treat your parting like just any part of life?" But I did not.. I didn't dare to.

Well, you did. Remember what you said?
You said, you'd never have known someone like me, and I probably wouldn't be this affected.

Very frankly now, I'm stuck. I don't know how to articulate this precise thought that I have in mind. I need an expression. But I have a feeling you'll get it :) (well if you're not 'you' then you won't get it la :p)

"but in a box beneath my bed, there's a letter that you never read"

"...in the end, it is STILL an eraser"

Oh yes, my title, quoted by a teacher of the most contemporary subject. Chemistry :) I love my chemistry teacher when she said that. It sounded so COOL :D

I haven't been updating my blog on a daily ground lately. I've been VERY occupied. Well, I'm still hitting hard on reminding myself about Physics and History notes, lying right next to me. It's the regularity, it's not done. But, it WILL be done :)

Guess what? I'm actually chipping in desultory effort to actually complete my homework! I'm proud, but pride pays a HUGE price..

Hmm. Another interview tomorrow.. Adibah Noor. How very lucky?! :)

Nothing's been happening lately. I don't want to mention so much about superstar in my blog. It narrows down life, and it makes me a stalker. I'm no longer one :D

But, coming to realise, there ain't much, without mentioning her..

"so where is the passion you needed the most?"

Biology, a little bit of life..

I hear delighted kiddy shouts and water sloshing against the flanks. I'm not by the beach. I'm merely typing at my usual spot, swirling about as I do so. The opened windows do me miracles :D

I like where I live in. I get to hear the daily joy.

The gas in kids, the way they'd get all delighted and thrilled over minute issues, it seems fun now. When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up so badly, but now, as I grew, I wish I could be a kid again. Life is just unfair.

The scope of life seemed so slender during childhood. All you need to worry about is to have fun. Now, everything that revolves around me seem to be EVERYTHING that bothers me.

Watching those kids in the pool reminds me to relax. Every second has its own uniqueness, and why waste it?



Ya know, biology is like unraveling a complicated mess. I just felt so..

"This is wrong but, I can't help but feel like, there ain't nothing more right babe.."

Featured: Superstar Series :D

It was one dreadful day yesterday. To sum it up, I was torn between 2 clubs, failed by 2 individuals whom I entrust almost the most, plus a little elections disappointment. I was just feeling horrible.

I couldn't stop the tears flowing out of my eyes. God's gift, tears, something rare out of me. Yeah?

My mood was sapped the entire day. But thanks to a superstar, she made my day :) Thanks for spending 2 hours with me, just to paint a smile on me. I really appreciated it.

I know all these while she's been against my principle, hoping to twist things around, making me a better person. She hopes to see me shine. But as much as she tried, I went against her, showing her principles are principles.

Now I know, she's right. I'm defeated, but I'm not out powered yet. No matter how much she disagrees with my commitment, she still helps me through things. Straightening my thoughts and securing my plans.

I'm so grateful. No amount of words could express how touched I am. But she actually did it because I want to, against her what she hopes out of me. I feel bad now.

Who knows if she'll actually read this, but I really do appreciate the distance we'd traveled :) We'll always have this tight bond, superstar :D

Loves you loads..

"i'm no one special just another wide eyed girl, who's desperately in love with you.."

Superstar Series: #3 (+ The Routine)

My stand swayed, and I'm back to being a compulsive, obsessive blogger again. Very obviously, I'm blogging after just a day of break :) Hmm. AWESOME.

This is going into the superstar series. I'm 25 minutes away from BM class, and has just completed my week-long homework, say half an hour ago. I was struggling to just scribble a few words, my neck hurts and attention strayed.

RIGHT, back to the point. I was in the shower when a blob of something just flew into my pupils. ouch. aaaaand, I thought of a memory!

There was once towards the end of April, or was it the beginning of May (?), when I was in the shower and the same situation took place. I was about to text my mum but I hit the wrong button as your contact was above mum's.

And you were something like, "baby shampoo are rather eye-friendly..." and something else, but well, memory failure. Hehe.

"im invisible but everyone knows who you are.."

It was 6 days ago..

Being involved in too many school commitment make you cherish time just, more. And yes, when you dredge the day and watch, just for another hour to spare, the fact that time is ceaseless makes you feel like you banged your head again a solid brick defense.

OUCH.
But today was good :) Awesome, in fact.

I'd never thought I would be able to see her in school, yes, mark my bolded 'school', because it seems to me that it's merely impossible. Seeing that same rush gold of a car heading in towards gate C and watching that poised figure step out of the car, reminds me of what mornings used to be like.

Heavy bags, but truly blessed :D


Well, undoubtedly, school remains unchanged without her presence, but it just FEELS different.
The hollowness :(

"i knew from the first note played I'd be breaking all the rules to see you.."

time-tight month..

I believe the 22nd of January will just zoom up as immediate and as accessible as tomorrow. I'm not making a point, but merely depicting my week's programme..

It's just tight, things are happening back-to-back, especially when I have the least free period to squeeze in some work (+fun) during the schooling duration. Hmm, it's tough. But as much as I'm expected to fulfill every little task, I'll have to brace the upshots.

Falling asleep only at an early hour of the day, and having less than the necessitated amount of sleep, how am I to immerse absolute concentration during lessons? I can't tell anyone this, but I'm afraid of flopping.

Yeah, I used to do the same, but the thing is, I used to have a weekly-packed tuition scheme. Now, I'm all on my own.. It's hard to picture an alert SM in class, but being blur for the past 3 years totally made things a killer.

Constant reminder, 'people' expect things out of me, I can't just give in. But proving my stand, requires a whole lot more than I'd ever assumed.

"when you're like a single flower whose colours have turn to shades of gray, well hang on, be strong.."

Superstar Series: #2

I was thinking today, while I was strolling in the mall, I'm so worn out. My mind is such a dormant one by the time it's twelve am. Such an insane fact!

Well, then I thought, how did I survive last year with less than 4 hours of sleep? How did I yank myself out of bed at 6am every morning? How and why?

And well, it struck my mind. I always tell myself, "WAKE UP! You've got to be in school on time to take Pn Bel's bag!" Yeah..

Now? I search my mind, turning it inside out, almost EVERY morning, why am I up so early?

HMM..

Superstar Series: #1

So if you'd read the previous post, this is a whole new assemblage in my blog, for the intentions of completing the entire memory collection. Though they're all seperated in the book and on the blog.

So, these will be just short, unlike conventional blog post in my blog :)

SO

It was that day when I stayed back at the Pavillion (which now reminds me, I'm afraid for Forensics auditions. Normally you'd be there pushing me. HMM) Then, I wasn't aware that your laptop does not work on battery, and it has to be attached with the wire.

The table was just out of reach, and I had to push it nearer. Well, pushing it would cause a lot of noise, so I guess I lifted it.

Here it goes.. you; me

"Why your wire so short one?"
"Cause it's not long!" *the sarcastic look*
*glares back*
"Yeah la, ask stupid question, get stupid answer" *sarcastic smile*

HAHA. We were so lame back then!

"these walls that they put up to hold us back, fell down"

Superstar ♥

As much as i like the luster of the 3 badges, and the forth to come next week, the load that I have to brook is three million times of the actual, existent weight of those badges.

I feel chased, every other instant.

Looks like I've got to work out a magic potion for time making in another day or two, if Trishy fails materializing my dream. GO TRISH :D I'll pluck a star on the sky and simply wish upon it. It should radiate to the star and it'll reflect back on reality. Does those ancient theory actually hit? Hmm..



So everyone knows that this week is a grim and heavy one for me. As much as i used to LOVE school with all the capital letters, now i guess i only lOVE school without the capital 'L' for love. I still love my school, but it feels different now.

It's true, school WILL remain unchanged with or without hers or my presence, but the feeling drifted away with her transfer.

When I stand at an angle that overlooks the entire school, I can't help but to flip through the mind album. These pictures are really playing like a film without a sound. Recess duties scare me now, for I stand at that point.


I have an ANNOUNCEMENT to make.

Whichever of those memories that I'd failed to record in that book, and if it just pops out, it goes on the blog, under a special label :D

"you smile that beautiful smile and all the girls on the front row, screamed your name"

give me an autograph, superstar.

Somehow, along the time passages and among the memories that we'd sail through, having each other's support and company, i subconsciously made you my superstar. Getting to know you is something BIG in life, I think it is in mine.

But when you suddenly said you'd be taking a drift off the usual, imagining your absence make me feel sick. It's like you ran a thousand miles without having your breakfast. The world spins, and the so call 'future' seemed to realistic to be actual.

I know, you would definitely think that I can survive quite well without your daily presence. I know I can, but I spiritually can't. Trust me, I'm not being at all flattery.

Having said that it feels like a fused light bulb if you are really leaving, may sound exaggerating to every one else, but to me, it's too trivial of a comparison to use. I'm lost for words.

Why are you so impatient? Can you wait a few other 24 hours to break the truth? I know impossibilities never happen in my life, and when I think positive, it's otherwise. I'd rather be a negative filled individual.

Truth awaits. I'm afraid to text you.
I'm afraid to say the last goodbye.
I'm afraid to take the last photograph.
But I'm more afraid to see the last of your trails in Assunta.

Just, take care :)

"cause when you think Tim McGraw, I hope you'll think of me.."

school's up!

So much for fearing the advent of this year, i'd survive 2 days and 10 hours out of it already. AND believe me, I'm still in flesh.

School is in less than 24 hours. Usually, I'd be pretty stoked going to school and meeting friends again. But I can't deny the slight fear I'd have as I step into the grounds of school.

This year, those fears vanished. Perhaps they'd dissolved into the excitement that I was feeling. But once the excitement drooped into anxiety, those fears emerged again.

These fears, they burn, as though ashes would fall like autumn leaves. I'm just afraid that someone will not stay long enough. Her absence, I believe will feel like a dimmed light bulb. I already feel so now. Hmm..


Well, as much as I want to hit school, I haven't got a school bag.
Retail shops are failing me just every time I need to shop for something. But when otherwise, EVERYTHING would seem so complete. Gee.

I need a new bag, a new pencil case and a new bottle..

"You said the way my blue eyes shined, put those Georgia stars to shame that night.."