She Doesn't Know That I Still Love Her.

I am madly in love.
...with a person who is incapable of love.

Doesn't that sound like a dramatic love story already?
So here's the real story.

There's someone out there, whom I am so madly in love with. I know it, she knows it and I think everybody know it. Everything is so complicated that it is actually impossible to explain the dynamics of the relationship, but as far as labels go, we're best friends. We kind of live together, party together, work together and spend almost every living second together. She's always on the top of my priority list and I would push away anything or anyone to be with her and to take care of her.

It all sounds like a modern day fairytale.
But the truth is, am I really happy loving someone who is incapable of reciprocating?
Well, I thought I was.

Don't get me wrong, I am. But it just makes me wonder how long more I can hang on to this last thread before I can let my heart break and admit that nothing good can ever come out of this for me. I love her too much to forgo the feeling of loving her and the happiness I feel when she silently loves me back.

It sounds crazy, but I'm actually drowning in a love that doesn't exist.

Sometimes I feel like the world is watching me fall pathetically on my face in this impossible route that I've chosen. I feel like people are watching how much of a sad little puppy I am just following her around. I feel myself try to stop myself from stopping her fall in love from other people. I hold my heart together when I see her smile at someone else. I am so aware of these feelings because I am so afraid that everyone I know would know that I'm the girl who's madly in love with someone who doesn't love her back.

Sometimes I even try to just pretend that she's just a friend to me because as ridiculous as it may sound, it would help hide the fact that I am so desperately, pathetically in love with her.

But today I realised I shouldn't. I shouldn't be ashamed to love; I shouldn't be ashamed of my heart breaking; and I sure as hell shouldn't be ashamed that someone I love cannot and does not love me back.

But everything still falls back to the same question - do I hang in there until the thread breaks, or do I break it myself once and for all?