Grow the fuck up.

Sometimes I feel like Blogspot is lying to me when it tells me that people actually still read this blog.

Remember how I was all happy and optimistic in my last two posts, yeah well, all that changed. I'm not depressed but I'm somewhat pissed off. There is no legit reason for me to be pissed off to be honest, because this is how life is for me. I can't get pissed off because someone who's more financially able asks me why I always have insufficient funds; I can't get pissed off when I get asked why I work so many hours a week; and I can't get pissed off when someone says that I never have anything to buy whenever they ask if I wanted to order groceries delivery with them.

What I mean is, I shouldn't get pissed off, because that's what it is for me. Some people have to work harder than others because they are not as privileged. Because they don't live in a pink bubble in the palms of their parents who are too afraid to pop it. Some people fight to protect their own bubbles, and to alleviate such burdens from their parent's palms. And to some people, if they don't make it, it's the end.

I am not as fortunate as others. I only have one parent to support me financially and emotionally, and I am perfectly okay and grateful for that. But to the other people, just know that some people don't have it as easily as you all do. It's a form a suffering, it's not a fucking joke.

Grow up.

Addressing Speculations.

As I was just about to blog about how happy I am that I actually had a really productive day today (and I haven't had one in a while), I somehow realised that the things that motivate me to blog have changed significantly. I used to resort to blogspot when I am emotionally drained and I would rant and whine about how people are mean to me and how I am hurt and things like that. But since I adopted this brand new attitude, I am motivated to blog because I am happy, and because good things have happened to me.

I have heard that people who thinks they know about me, are speculating whom and what I'm writing about in my recently published birthday song. I've heard from many people and I am so grateful for their concerns. But what bothers me is that there are people who think that I'm just being cryptic when I said I was destroyed by my "peer's mother" because they think I was referring to my own mother. Well, I don't blame them because it's quite absurd what this woman (my peer's mother) has done to me and people would naturally assume that I'm just being whiny about my own mother but do not want to spell it out. But although no one reads this blog anymore, i'd still liketo clarify that MY MOTHER DID NOT DESTROY ME. It was someone else's mother, and I friggin love my mother. So back off, people who don't know what happened to me, it's really not that simple. And if you'd like to know, just ask :) like I said, I'm done being bullied to silence. So if you asked, I would tell. 

Speaking of the birthday release, I was really looking forward to being whole and new and shiny again, but now that the excitement is over, no one will really know if it's permanent or an overly optimistic phase. So, I guess all I'm gonna do now is to live it out!

Have a great day everyone, cheers! 

This Is Real.

I haven't blogged in ages. So what brought me here today? I can't point out exactly what it is, but I suddenly have this urge to tell people (or at least feel like I've told someone - I doubt anyone reads this blog anymore) that I am at a very happy and contented place in my life right now.

I feel at ease with the pace of my life and I feel in sync with everything I do. My mind is at peace with my surroundings and every decision I make seems to bring me a kind of contentment that I cannot find in other phases of my life. People say you tend to get lost in your 20s because that's when you're supposed to find yourself. I'm turning 21, and I think, I've found myself. And I am really happy with that.

Sometimes I regret the fact that under some totally undesired circumstances, I was put in a pressure cooker way earlier than most people at that age. But at the same time, I'm really glad it's all over. I'm very grateful for the strength that I somehow had during those dark days and I am very excited to move on.

I feel like a whole new life awaits now - like I'm fearless. Like anything or anyone else in this world don't matter anymore and I'm unstoppable It makes me feel like I've got grip of this very slippery life. And it sure feels hella good.

So I guess all I wanted to say is that, I'm just very contented right now. It's not just happiness, it's a feeling that makes you feel whole and complete.

So, hello world, I'm glad to be back :)