#2 How Many Time Will I Have to Die?

Apparently there isn't much difference staying here or staying in KL. I have had a lot of illusions of things that might happen or rather, things that I wish would happen this year. Turns out, I was wrong. I guess I wished too much and expected too much out of optimism.

I'm torn. I can't decide where to go, where to stay and where to get a life. I need to stop living for someone. Because then everytime that person leaves, I die again and again. And this routine keeps happening every year.

Everytime I get crushed, I tell myself I will never open up so easily again. I need a shield. But some things are too much to lose. I don't want to lose that chance, and I do it again and again and I end up dying ALL the time.

Is there anything worth staying for here? Is there anything worth going back for?

I'm lost.